Give me awards and validate me!

In my off-line life, I often act as if I don't need any special attention. Online, I am totally different in this regard. I love comments, positive or negative, or just people saying hello. And now I find out we have blogging awards? I would have been working so much harder at the whole blogging thing if I had known this earlier. I would have spell checked, grammar checked, had neighbors proof read my posts prior to posting, color coordinated, and posted on a regular schedule on exact time of every day.

However, no one told me this. So I posted.... well, you've seen it. There's a reason I call it verbal vomit. It spews out, whenever it wants, sometimes not at all, and it is rarely pretty. Funny at times, insightful a few times maybe, but it all boils down to being the vomit in my head.

So, back to me and the awards thing.

I present you with the list of reasons you should vote for me:
1. No one has ever voted for me for anything. (Except for being "least likely to be voted for anything" in my high school yearbook, kids can be so cruel.)
2. Justin (and a few others) feel I spend too much time blogging. But if I was an Award Winning Blogger they would have to shut the hell up, right? Darn right they would. Imagine the following:
Justin: Bobby, you need to get off the computer and take the trash out.
Me: Can't right now, I'm blogging.
Justin: The trash needs to go out, and you've been sitting there for hours.
Me: Hey! You can't just sit down and blog for ten minutes once you've become an award winning blogger. I've got responsibilities, I can't just type out crap now that I'm an award winning blogger. I mean, come on, do award winning bloggers even have to take out the trash?
Justin: This is getting ridiculous, I.....
Me: Once you've become an award winning blogger, you'll understand, and maybe then we'll split the trash responsibilities.
Doesn't that sound great? I think so.
3. Most of you probably have no idea what to get me for Christmas, despite my hints of bourbon and cigarettes. For those that haven't emailed me for my snail mail address to send the bourbon to, a vote for me would be a nice gift, thoughtful and cheap, but oh so meaningful to me. I will print all my nominations, and sleep with them in a small scrapbook next to my bed.
4. I never win anything. Not even a coin toss, so help break my bad luck chain.
5. You don't want that N'Sync picture/fake award on my blog forever. I will remove it when I win a real award, or I will place the scary mannequins back on every post if I don't win. Heh.
Enough groveling for now, I will post details on how to vote for me soon. And news from the off-line world, work is going very well, details coming soon....

Manic Musings

*Overheard, parent on the phone with their child: "If you don't behave, I won't be paying you when I get home!" Times have certainly changed a lot from "If you don't behave, you're going to get a whuppin when I get home." Sad.

*There are some jobs you just shouldn't complain about while doing it. For example, a nurse called for help in front of the patient, and when the second nurse came in, she actually said, "you need help with that? I have more important things to do." Wow, that is some compassion there. And the patient was awake, not in a coma or anything. And the patient had family right there to overhear as well. Family that may have slit the stupid nurse's tires on their way out that evening. I didn't say they did, just that they may have, or could have.

*I wrote my birth father a really long email, detailing recent events in my life, (most of which you know about already, being faithful readers here), and really put some time into the email. Almost a week later, I got the following heartfelt response, "Sorry to hear about all of that. We're all okay here." That was meaningful, I printed a copy of the email, framed it, and hung it proudly in the trophy room. (And there's a future post about why I used the term "birth father", but I don't feel like going into it right now. I am still too excited about his wonderful email reply.)

*Why can I pour the water into the coffee maker without spilling a drop, but I can't pour the coffee into a cup without spilling it?

*Some friends of ours paid someone to carve out gourds, to serve soup in. Nice, huh? Very Martha-ish. They paid sixty bucks a gourd for eight people. We offered to do it for 50 next time they want to have that done. Those same friends had us make some "candy trees" to take home with us, similar to the ones in the picture. Due to a large amount of bourbon, I had fun. I don't think I would ever go to a party and make a candy tree without liquor though. In addition, the push pins used to attach the candy got more fun the drunker everyone got. My fingers hurt a little today.

And finally, *Some posts in a blog are just lamer than others.

Time for Thanks and Stuff(ing)

Warning: While this post may contain some amusing moments, it also contains some sappy moments. Read on at your own risk. First off, Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. Justin and I are off to his sister's house to fix a turkey to take to his parent's house. His mom was only going to have ham and turkey breasts, which offended Justin to no end, since he is a dark meat fan. To rectify this, and help his mom out, we are now fixing a turkey to take. All so he can have dark meat. So anyway, busy day. Time for my first annual "Things I am thankful for...." list.

Things I am thankful for 2005
*Justin and his family.
*My fellow blogging friends, who have provided a lot of support this fall, and will probably never know how much you all have helped me.
*My new job. (I found out my former company is "spinning off" the sector I worked for. Usually spinning is a good thing, but in this case, a lot of my former friends and co-workers are worried about their jobs now, and it usually means they are selling off, or going under. So I am thankful I have moved on, you can choose the saying you like best, either "blessing in disguise" or "everything happens for a reason", but either way, I am thankful.)
*My brother, and my family, at least the ones I talk to, and talk to me.
*Numerous other serious things, like my good friends, my dog, and more.
*The humorous people in my building and neighborhood, who keep me cheaply entertained. (Like Big Gay Mike, who is actually a little straight guy, who misplaced his wallet for half a day, searched multiple buildings for it, and then found it in his spaghetti strainer in his kitchen cabinet.)
*Coffee, cigarettes, and bourbon. Oh, and pepsi, can't forget that.
*Stupid celebrities, who show us that just because they are famous and wealthy, they are still stupid. Like a lot of other people. I am also thankful for stupid people, but just the amusing ones.
*80's music. (Yes, I said it.)

There's more, but you get the idea, and you have other things to do today. Have a great one!

New Job Info

I got the keys to the office for Monday, which is unusual when dealing with HR stuff, and you've only worked somewhere for three days. They like me, they really like me.

I got to track down a doctor this morning, because he got hired without completely filling out his application. Yes, believe it or not, (I didn't know this) doctors have to fill out applications just like the people at McDonalds. Makes you feel a little better about the god-like way doctors are treated. Back to me though... everyone else didn't want to track him down, as they expected him to be too busy for the application, or an ass, etc. I got him to do it right away, I think while patients were waiting, sorry, by being nice, joking, and insinuating that his paycheck could get "held up". That wasn't true, probably, but it sure worked well. And everyone was impressed at how quickly I got it done, and no one needs to know what I said to him. Heh.

I am sure this will be the beginning of a great job, and a great blogging experience. Thanks to all for the good thoughts and congrats comments, it meant a lot.

image courtesy of Despair.com

My tag avoiding ability gave out today.....

Thanks to LBSeahag, over at Jinx I am tagged. You know my policy on this, play if you would like to, but don't feel obligated.

What were you doing ten years ago?
Living in Texas, single, drinking a lot (some things just don't change)

What were you doing one year ago?
We were living with number two on our list of psycho roommates.

What were you doing yesterday?
Celebrating my new job, and writing a story for FFF

Five snacks you enjoy?

1. Cheese-Its, or Cheese Nips, I always forget which one until I see the box.
2. Brown sugar cinnamon pop tarts, no frosting if available.
3. Chips
4. Three Musketeers, once in a long while.
5. Pizza. (I know technically it's a meal, but I can snack on it too.)

Five songs to which you know all the words

1. Almost everything by Cyndi Lauper (no jokes)
2. We didn't start the fire by Billy Joel (just kidding)
3. Smells like teen spirit by Nirvana (once again, just kidding)
4. Technically, number one covers about 150 songs, so I am quitting here.
5. See #4

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire

1. Buy a house
2. Have part time jobs that I would quit the second someone pissed me off, so I could tell them off and not have to worry
3. Vacation to numerous spots I have never been, especially warm spots.
4. Get Justin the car(s) he really wants.
5. Pick up $5 pizzas at little Caesar's in a limo

Five bad habits

1. I drink
2. I smoke
3. I spend too much time blogging.
4. I'm sometimes too honest
5. I sometimes don't finish things, like when I....

Five things you like doing

1. Drinking
2. Smoking. Yes, I enjoy it dammit.
3. Roadtrips where I just have to be the passenger
4. Writing
5. Hanging with friends

Five things you would never wear again

1. Anything my mom bought me in the 80's, trying to "help" me be cool
2. a dress. (Don't ask.)
3. my heart on my sleeve. (what does that actually mean, anyway?)
4. Neon
5. Flannel

Five favorite toys

1. My new laptop I will be getting
2. My gameboy, with one game. Tetris.
3. DVD
4. Is the internet a toy?
5. I have a number five, but it's private. And yes, it probably has something to do with what you are thinking. No, not that you pervert.

Have a great and relaxing Sunday night.

Flash Fiction and BIG News!

Once again, my Flash Fiction Friday has been posted on a Saturday. *SIGH* Will I ever get deadlines right?

Check it out by clicking here or if you want to stay a little more light hearted, scroll down and read my post about the snow. It's funnier.

And I finally have a job. I start Monday. My field, Human Resources, and it is close to the house. The light at the end of the current tunnel. And you know I am excited, for I have never (and you can check) increased the size of my font for a post until now.

Now back to our regularly scheduled font size. I may not post for a day or two, as a lot of you have some catching up to do. You know who you are. Unless you are reading (and my stat counter isn't catching you) and not commenting. Seriously though, a new job should mean lots of good blogging material, since the job hunt wasn't entertaining at all.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it.. oh screw it.

Bringing this week of complaining to an end, and to celebrate the winter weather arriving, I typed in my written journal from a few years ago, when I first moved to Virginia from Texas. Yes, a drastic difference as you will see.


January 10
It's 5 p.m. It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first one I have seen in years. I took my bottle of bourbon and sat by the picture window. Watching the snowflakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was so pristine and beautiful. I love it.

January 11
I awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub covered by a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and loved it. I did both the driveway and the sidewalk. Later, a city snowplow came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back and shoveled it again.

January 12
It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature dropped to about 11 degrees. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled the driveway again. Shortly afterwards, the snowplow came by and pulled his trick again. Now, much of the snow is brownish gray.


January 13
It warmed up enough during the day to create some slush that soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tires for the car. Fell on my ass in the driveway. $145 to a chiropractor, but nothing was broken. More snow and ice expected.


January 14
Still cold as hell. Had another 11 inches of the white shit last night. More shoveling in store for me today. My vehicle covered in salt and crud. Bought a sled in order to get to work. Slid into the guardrail anyway and did a considerable amount of damage to the right rear quarter panel. That damn snowplow came my twice today.

January 15
It's 2 fucking degrees outside. More fucking snow. Not a tree or shrub on my property that hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene heater, which tipped over and nearly burned the fucking house down. I managed to put the flames out, but suffered 2nd degree burns on my hands and I lost all of my eyelashes and eyebrows. The car slid off the road on the way to the emergency room and was totaled.

January 16
Mother fucking damn white shit keeps on coming down. Have to put on all the clothes I own just to get to the fucking mailbox. If I ever catch that son of a bitch that drives the snowplow, I'll draw open his chest and rip his heart out. I think he hides around the corner and waits till I shovel my driveway again! Power is still off. Toilet froze and part of the roof started to cave in.

January 17
Six damn more fucking inches of fucking snow and fucking sleet and fucking ice and no telling what other kind of white fucking shit fell last night. I wounded the fucking snowplow asshole with an ice axe, but he got away. Car won't start. I think I am going snow blind. I can't feel my fucking toes. Haven't seen the sun in weeks. More white shit predicted. Wind chill is -22 fucking degrees below zero. I'm moving my ass back to Texas.

----------------
As we all know, I didn't move back to Texas, but my attitude hasn't changed much each winter. The first snow is wonderful, for a day or so, and then it gets old. Fast.

Happy winter everyone. Cold weather means lots of good blogging time.

Anne Rice's Menopausal Breakdown

First off, before anyone accuses me of being anti-Anne Rice, I have read most of the vampire books, a few other of her books, and enjoyed them for the most part. Yes, she gets long winded, but so does Stephen King. That doesn't mean they can't tell a good story when they want to. So, yes, I liked Anne. I really did, even her last vampire related book was a nice book to read while on vacation. And also don't accuse me of any anti-menopausal. So let's move on.....

Now, as I start to rant about her latest endeavor, I admit up front, I have not read it. I am not criticizing her writing style, her use of metaphors, etc. I am criticizing her enlarged ego perhaps, her folly to think no one else has ever thought about doing this type of thing (they have, but had better judgement than you did anne.) Anne's latest book is about Jesus. Not another biblical study, no, but a fictional account with historical stuff thrown in to make her sound like she wrote the fictional parts accurately as well.

She has the ability to do it, and doesn't need the money anymore, so I guess she either has gotten an extrememly inflated ego, which I have heard she does, or she is going insane. I am not a religious fanatic or anything. I just think she could have found another subject, and I don't believe all of her "It was time to do this." or "I've been moved to write this" crap, I think she knew it would generate controversy, and she wanted to do it. Period.

If it sells well, will the sequel be about God? Or the continuing adventures of Jesus' family? Who knows? I don't even think Anne does. She has already had one of the vampires go to Heaven and talk to angels, so I guess her sequel could be about Jesus' adventures in Heaven and what He has been up to since we last heard from him.

*SIGH*

Is this a cigarette which I see before me?

Here's the link to the article if you really want to read it, but I will rant about it enough here so you probably won't have to. During a performance of a play, where the play calls for someone to smoke, an audience member actually shouted for them to put the cigarette out. (Because it's against the law to smoke in a public place.) I barely know where to start...
Who is uncouth enough to actually shout during a performance of a play? If it was a performance artist piece where someone is actually being hurt, sure. But a cigarette, during a play that the smoking is part of the play? No. Give me a break. You give the anti-smokers a little room, and look what happens. Before everyone starts in on me, I am the most polite smoker you will ever meet. I won't smoke in someone's house, even a smoker's house, without asking. I watch where my second hand smoke goes, (usually towards the non-smoker, and I am careful), I won't smoke around kids, etc. It comes to a point, though, where you just need to let me smoke, dammit. Some places are trying to ban smoking in cars (on the grounds it is distracting), and I will certainly concede the point if they outlaw cell phones, eating, radios, DVD players, etc, first. Until then, stay out of my car. And I will smoke in my house, even if they end up making it illegal. There are so many things we should be focusing on other than this, yes, we all know smoking is bad for you, thank you. So are fatty foods, alcohol, fast cars. and hunting while drunk. So let's move on, feel sorry for the smokers if you would like to and if it will make you feel better, but leave them alone. And certainly, never, ever, shout out to an actor to stop smoking during a live performance of a play. Geez.

On a brighter note, Justin's dad got out of the hospital this morning, and seems well on the road to recovery again. Thanks all, for the emails and comments of support.

I knew I was royalty.

Your Band Name is:

The Queen of Pickles

Band Name Generator

Really? The Queen of Pickles? This has so many jokes in it, that I don't even know where to begin. In fact, I think I will leave the jokes in my head, as I am sure most of them will pass through your heads automatically. Please share yours, it is an extremely short quiz. and may cheer me up. Maybe one of you is the King of some other condiment.
And I think I am done with the online quiz thing, at least for a few days.

Good news and bad.....

The bad news first....

In a Past Life...

You Were: An Evil Priest. Where You Lived: China. How You Died: Decapitation.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

Do they have evil priest job listings anywhere? And can you claim past life experience? Probably in this field you can, anyway.


And now the good news:

You Are 22 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Yes, a bit off chronologically, but dead on with how I act.

In the meantime....

Sorry everyone, Justin's dad is back in the hospital, so we've been a little busy and things have been hectic.

To entertain you in the meantime, check out this new program that without any additional hardware for your pc, you can smell through the internet. Click here for the incredible link. I am sure we will be hearing more about this in the future.
And no, the picture has nothing to do with the link or my post, you know how I can be.

Bird Watching

I am sure some of you read the title and thought, "wow, I had no idea that Bobby was a bird watcher" or "is Bobby using bird in the form they do in England?" I am not an avid bird watcher, but the other morning, when all was still quiet and serene, a lovely bird was in a nearby tree. (I didn't have a camera or phone, so no pics of the actual bird.) It was chirping in a nice little melody, not annoying at all, and was holding still while spreading one wing out, then the other, and then both at the same time. It was beautiful. It flew and landed a few feet from me, and no, it wasn't a bird that looked like a pigeon or vulture, looking for food. It was a wild bird, that was possibly having a serene moment as well, and maybe, just maybe, it was thinking similar things about me, wanting to check me out. The markings on this bird were beautiful, and I held good and still, so as to not scare it away. It edged ever closer to my foot, making a new sound, and starting a new song. It was peaceful, and made me feel all calm inside. As it finally got close enough, I kicked it and ran over to it and stomped it a few more times. I didn't want it to suffer, but with all of this bird flu stuff going around, you just can't be too careful these days. I am sure Bush would be proud of me, helping America deal with this huge epidimic. If enough of us do our part, we can stop this bird disease before it gets any worse.

no birds were actually harmed in the writing of this blog. PETA people and Bird Watchers, please don't hound me, or I will leave dead birds on your doorstep.

Quit teasing and just google me, baby.

Quiz: Bobby hasn't been posting as much lately because:
a. he finally started working.
b. he ran out of food money and doesn't have the energy to type
c. nothing interesting has happened
d. he's been lazy.

I'll give you a moment to think the answer over....


The answer is, unfortunately, d. I haven't started working yet, but tomorrow I have the best interview yet. I did run out of food money, but still have a little energy left. And tons of interesting stuff has happened, So, yes, I have been lazy. And to keep with the lazy trend, lets look at some of the search stuff that's brought people to my blog.

1. Curly Fro HHmm, I looked and looked, and couldn't figure out why I was listed for this one, except for the post about Justin Guarini from American Idol. Must be that.
2. Bobby Needs.... Apparently, there are other Bobby's out there searching for what they need, like we did a while back in a post. I hope they find what they are looking for....
3. Constant Erection This was due to the post you can find on the right side menu, in tribute to Madman and the disgusting girl he worked with. Did anyone ever hear what happened to him? And no, my site doesn't actually help you with attaining a constant erection, or getting rid of one. (I guess if you read long enough, you could lose your erection, who knows?
4. Fiona Apple This was due to my "I hate Fiona Apple" post, so if any fans come here, I don't like her. Scroll through the archives if you need to know why.
5. Kids say the darndest things...Barbie This was due to my Fat Barbie post, about Justin's sister and her son, who did say the darndest thing. I just didn't know anyone said the word "darndest" anymore.
6. Autobiographies Erik Estrada This one amazes me almost as much as the Justin Guarini fan site. I mean, yes, Erik Estrada did an amazing job on Chips, but I didn't realize anyone would want to read a whole book about him.

So that's about it for now, except for one small installment of Bobby Needs, which I saw when the google search came up for it....
Bobby Also needs....
.....Food. (Yes, I am hungry.)
.....to check his email fast. (I just did, and nothing was there. Teases.)
.....a family with plenty of patience (Yes, that's so true.)
..... to play a little Bump and Jump to easy his soul. (Hell yes. Now, what exactly is "Bump and Jump?" Is it a euphemism?)
.....to shut the f*ck up (Okay, geez. That's a little harsh, and it ain't gonna happen.)
.....to look out for government agents (Uh oh, what the hell?)
.....to be told the teacher is not going to fight with him. (Spinning Girl? You're not going to fight with me?)
This last one is my absolute favorite.

Bobby's needs are pretty basic: He sleeps, eats, cries, poops,and gazes uncomprehendingly at the world around him.
That is so true.