Who is Rainbow Brite?

Our apartment building is called The Clarendon, and is full of interesting people. Even better, it is full of interesting people who don't know about my blog. So yes, that means free reign on talking about them here. I am way too exhausted to start an elaborate post about them right now, but to give you a taste.... One of our good friends from the 3rd floor, Jamie, dressed up as Rainbow Brite last night for the big party. Jamie is the cutest, sweetest girl, and made a wonderful Rainbow Brite. (I will be getting real pictures soon.) Anyway, after much partying and drinking, and numerous 18-22 year olds guessing she was Cher or a Princess, she turned and screamed, "I'm Rainbow Brite, I'm a f*cking childhood icon!"
It was one of the best moments of the party and weekend , and was caught on tape. We got to watch it today, it was great. I hope everyone had a great weekend, and have a great Halloween!

He-Man, weren't the eighties great!

Ok, VH1 is doing another version of the "I love the 80's". Weren't they such an innocent time? I mean, look at He-man and his alter ego, could they have been anymore gay? And yes, they are making another live action he-man movie, this time wisely leaving out Dolph Lundgren. This guy, Jason Lewis is supposedly playing He-Man.
In other He-Man casting news, Skeletor, will be played by Lindsey Lohan as long as she keeps her weight down. They have Callista Flockheart on stand by, just in case.

Click here to see HeMan sing the 4 non blondes song, "Revolution", and bust out some killer dance moves. It starts a little slow, but it's funny.

My Freakin' Power Color

I've been seeing the power color quiz on a lot of blogs lately.

Mine is black. pitch dark black, bottomless pit black, you get the idea.

No fancy post today:
My nicotine level is running dangerously low. (Long story, but I am not quitting.)
My sanity level is edging towards breakdown.
Did I mention I need a cigarette? (no one likes a quitter!)
Some bourbon might help, none of that either though, so my alcohol level is 0.00 (gasp, it's hardly ever 0!)
Everything is freaking irritating me right now.
-Maybe because I need a cigarette.
I've read some blogs, and been entertained, but when I comment, if the word verifier messes up, or I mistype something, I just say "screw it" and move on. So forgive me, until my nicotine level is brought back to acceptable social levels, I am going to shut up.

Somebody better get some smokes here soon. And please don't use this as an opportunity to let me know it would be a good time to quit. It is not a good time to quit. It's not I tell you. We all have a bad habit or three, this is mine for now, and I enjoy it. I'll be back when my nicotine levels are back up....

Entertainment News!

IRVINE, CA?In a mega-deal that is sending shockwaves through the apartment-rental industry, rappers Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer co-signed a one-year, $550-a-month lease Tuesday. The deal, which includes heat, on-street parking and utilities, guarantees the early-'90s superstars a place to live through September 2006. "I am extremely excited about this joint-living venture between myself and MC Hammer," Vanilla Ice said. "I look forward to sharing this two-bedroom apartment with him and am confident we can work together to keep the kitchen and living-room areas clean." The pair is not permitted to have pets. Courtesy of The Onion

And now, courtesy of me.
One of the advantages of being temporarily unemployed is catching television shows you have been missing. One of these little gems is The Brini Maxwell Show.
It is on the Style channel, one of those little "Martha Stewart" type of shows. Justin and I watched a few minutes, giving each other puzzled looks, and then, finally, we determined that Brini looks like....Carolyn from the Apprentice. Yes, they could be sisters. Heh. If Carolyn ever appears on Saturday Night Live again, she should parody Brini Maxwell. And in shocking news, one of these two women, is apparently a man. I'll let you decide.

The Native American from the Village People

First off, the former Village People aren't all doing well. In a small twist of irony, the cop is being pursued by cops. The article refers to the Indian from the group as the "Native American", which is funny as well.

Let's move from irony to the word surreal.

surreal adjective
1 dreamlike, surreal
resembling a dream; "night invested the lake with a dreamlike quality"; "as irrational and surreal as a dream"


So there's the offical definition. I experience the surreal feeling in my life quite often, usually in short spurts. Sometimes it last longer. Which brings up the story of Felipe, the Indian/Native American from the Village People, let's chat a little about what he is up to lately. This is all true, he lives in my hometown now. At the beginning of summer, Justin and I were at at bar we go to once in a while, and ran into Felipe, the Indian. Now, I had heard people say, "Look, there's the Indian from the Village People." but thought they just meant he looked like him, or he had dressed like him for Halloween once or something. I had no idea, until that night, it was the indian from the Village People. So, Justin talks to him, and I speak with someone who appears to be with him, either a date, or a friend, or as I would find out a little later, a husband. So, after we all had been introduced, Justin went to get more drinks, and the Indian's partner went to the bathroom.

The following is an example of why my life feels so surreal sometimes, and while it is not word for word, it is pretty close....
Indian: So, Justin is pretty hot.
Me: Thanks. I get this a lot, so I don't take offense, or get jealous, etc.
Indian: What do you think of my partner? Oops, I guess ettiquette should have made me compliment his partner, who was nice, and relatively cute....
Me: Oh, he's cute, and seems very nice.
Indian: Yes, he's very hot.Not what I said, but drinks have been had, I can be nice, so I nod.
We talk about random things for a few minutes, me waiting desparately for Justin to get back with my bourbon shot.
Indian: So, how would you like to trade some weekend?
I was completely lost....
Me: Trade? Drinks? Yes, my mind was on my drink, so that's all I could think of.
Indian: Partners. He has obviously made this offer before, as he said this very casually.
Me: Uh, we don't really do that.
Indian: You should, it's fun.
For who? For once I said something in my head instead of outloud.
Me: Well, if we ever do, you will be first on my list to call.
Indian: We could all hang out at....
I really expected him to say YMCA at this point, and was very disappointed when he didn't.
...our house sometime. Get in the hot tub, have some drinks, trade off.
Trying to end this with a little humor, and remember I was drinking, I said:
Me: We're really busy right now, we're heading west, joining the Navy, but we'll call you if we get some spare time. Ok, not the funniest thing in the world, and he's probably heard versions of song title jokes all of his life, but I wanted this to be over.
Indian: You're hot, too. Maybe....
I cut it off at this point, and used the whole "I'll be back, I have to go get my drink." excuse and left.

About an hour later, after I had gotten this all out of my head, YMCA came on over the club's speakers. I couldn't get that freaking song out of my head for the whole weekend. Yes, our life is pretty bizarre and surreal sometimes, and this is only one example. But it does keep things interesting. But isn't that whole thing really like some dream you would have?

Parenting Class, Anyone?

My roommate's parents were asked to teach a parenting class at their church. While at dinner the other night with our roommate, they asked for her help.

She asked what kind of help they needed.

Her father replied, "Well, we don't really remember much about raising you or what we did, so we thought you could help us with some stories or something."

Ok, there's a couple of things just plain wrong with this. First, I hope the parenting class doesn't need any real help from her parents, and secondly, why would you tell your kid this? She's 21 and close with her parents, and it would bother me a little if my parents asked me for parenting advice because they didn't remember my childhood. (Of course, my parents had alcohol as an excuse, but her parents don't drink that much.)

Maybe their advice should be to pay more attention to their kids, or to take notes or something, in case they are ever asked about it later in their life.


By the way, if you haven't read this week's Flash Fiction Friday story, please click the previous link and do so. I am not desparate for attention or anything. Really. Thanks to those of you who already read it. I am really not desparate for attention, just read it, okay?

Flash Fiction Friday

For proof that my Friday nights get started way too late, I got to finish my Flash Fiction Friday entry on Friday this time, while starting to have a few drinks, and waiting for the partying to begin.

Click here to read "With money in my pocket."

If you would like more details on FFF, click here to go to JJ's site.

Toy Tales

The original Slime caused numerous problems for parents all over the country. Before the slime with eyeballs, or worms, or even colors, there was plain, original, snot-like, plain old slime. And it stained. I took a "can" of slime to my grandparents, and was encouraged to play a prank on my grandfather. I pretended I was about to sneeze, and he whipped out his nice hankerchief, at which point I pretended to sneeze, but instead deposited a full can of slime into his hankerchief. Very funny, and everyone laughed. After explaining to my grandfather that the snot like substance was a "toy", I tried to gather it back into it's can. I did, but only after leaving a permanent green stain on my grandfather's hankerchief. I found out later that it never came out, they through it away. It was hard to explain this "toy" to my grandfather, which brings us to the next tale of a violent 4 year old Bobby.....
I was playing with an etch a sketch on the floor with my Aunt, with other relatives looking at us, including some older relatives, who had never seen an etch a sketch, and were slightly hard of hearing. After drawing for a long while, with my Aunt looking on, my oldest relative, saw me raise the toy into the air, shake it violently, almost hitting my Aunt in the head. As I did this, shaking the etch a sketch clean, my oldest relative exclaimed what a violent outburst I had just had, out of the blue. My other Aunt patiently explained the concept of an etch a sketch, while I once again drew a picture, calmy and quiety. About when my Aunt had it all explained, and they moved on to other conversation, I once again held the toy above my 4 year old head and shook it clean. "There he goes again! Someone needs to take that away from him! He's almost hitting her!" Once again, my Aunt tried to explain the concept to her, as I began drawing. My Aunt started to get a littled ticked off, as apparently I was a wonderfuul child, calm and pleasant, never causing any problems, and this relative was basically defaming my good character. After a few more tries of explanation, my Aunt gave up and we left. Luckily, this news was kept quiet, and my good reputation was not ruined until much later in my life. I wonder what toys our children or grandchildren will have that we just won't understand? And what toys will our children not understand that we had as children?

Proof that Karma exists.

Do you believe in karma? I have my doubts sometimes, like right now, when I need some good karma. But sometimes I know for a fact it exists, and I am going to share an example. One of Justin's three sisters, "Barbie", likes to remind us once in a while how we are going to hell and we should read our Bible to see that she's right, all gay people are going to hell. (We're calling her Barbie, not as a compliment, but because she's fake. Fake personality, fake breasts (not that there's anything wrong with that), and she tries to dress classy, but it comes out as being trashy. Anyway, she has three children now. She was going to stop at two, but one of the other sisters had their second child, so she had to have another, to make three, so she would have the most. Seriously. The middle child, a son, is 5 years old. (Remember his age.) Two things happened recently, that prove to me that karma exists. Her 5 year old son walked into a treehouse of another child, put his hand on his hip, and said, "This place could use some homey touches." (Yes, I know kids say the darndest things sometimes, but come on.) Then, last week, the children were in the car, Justin goes to say hi, and sees the son watching the television in the car. Justin asks, "What are you watching? Bob the Builder? Dora?" to which the boy replied, "I was trying to watch The Gilmore Girls and enjoy it."
The Gilmore girls? At five years old? His choice? Come on, I think karma is going to give Barbie a gay son. And while slightly enjoying this fact, yes, it is sad, as Justin and I already know we will probably end up giving this boy a place to live if his parents ever find out. But it's still a little funny.

Sorry for my recent mini-vacation, and thanks for the emails of concern. I am back, doing okay, and will be catching up on all of your lives as well.

Dr. Phil is evil.

My mother in law would kill me for saying this, but Dr. Phil is just taking over way too much. Today, at the hospital, a group of children walked by with their mom. Two of the boys in the group were hanging back a bit, so they could have their 8 or 9 year old boy conversation without their mom overhearing. Or so I thought. To my astonishment, one boy looks at the other and says, verbatim, "I believe the problem is indicative of a behavioural issue on their part." and then the other boy said "Or a social issue that stems from...." and I couldn't hear anymore, without following them and looking really creepy. I guess they could have just been child geniuses, or really really smart, but I have the feeling their mom makes them watch Phil and they were just repeating something they heard. It would have made me feel a lot better if they had just been talking about yucky girls and cooties and stuff.

In the Dining Hall with Eden

I haven't shared stories from my apartment building, but that's all changing now. Eden, our 3rd floor neighbor, was asked out on a first date by a nice guy and she said yes. She dressed up, they met, and he took her to....his college dining hall. Wait, it gets better though. First, let me point out that while Eden is going to college, she is also a Coast Guard reservist, she works, etc. and in no way can be considered "a full time college kid." She's a woman. So, on to the better part. Being a better person than I, she stayed for the date, they selected their food, and her date paid with his meal card. His meal card. I'll pause a minute, because if you are anything like me, you are at least mildly chuckling.
I didn't know at first who to feel more sorry for, Eden, who had to put up with this, or the guy, who has hopes of wooing a date by taking her to the dining hall on his meal card. I decided I felt sorrier for Eden. But if that guy, or other guys like him happen across my blog, please don't do this. Ever.

What do we need?

Thanks to Lulu for inspriring this post. (That's where I found it anyway.) And once again, the picture doesn't have much to do with the post, just thought it was funny.

Ok, go to Google. I am not linking google for you, I am lazy today.

Type in "(your name) needs" Remember to use the quotes. And remember to replace (your name) with your actual name. First name only.

Look at the 5 websites that say you need something. (Use different websites)

What are the 5 things you need?

Google thinks I need:

1. Bobby needs not to tell everyone when he plans on having sex...
Fine, fine. There goes my other blog idea....
2. BOBBY NEEDS A LATENIGHT TALK SHOW
This is so true. It would actually solve most of my financial issues, and my first guests would be all of you, with an occasional celebrity thrown in. Maybe it should be primetime though, not that I am letting this go to my head or anything.
3. Songs that Bobby needs to give a rest
Strange, if you've seen this post on my other blog. Otherwise, the songs they suggested that I give a rest I have mostly not even heard of. But I'm still glad they're thinking of me.
4. Bobby needs his weed
Seriously, I couldn't make this stuff up. Well, I could, but I'm not. Apparently this site suggests I would be happier and funnier if I smoked weed.
5. Pupkin Sucks and Bobby needs some freakin therapy, or at least thera-flu..
I don't know who or what Pupkin is, but yes, I probably could use some therapy. No big shocker there. But thera flu? Even if I was sick, I can't stand that stuff. And I better not be getting sick.

The original suggests doing the first five things, but as an "extra free" bonus for you, here are a few additional things that google and others think I need.
Bobby needs to get his bleep off the floor and try again I couldn't find out what I was supposed to try again....
Bobby needs to get paids! Hell yeah, badly.
Bobby needs a new job Wow. Maybe this thing is like some sort of fortune teller. I may try this once a week and see what different things I need.
Bobby needs to say to hell with it I am pretty good at this one. But, "to hell with it". There, I feel better.
BOBBY NEEDS TO ADMIT HE HAS A PROBLEM AND GO TO A REHAB Hey, we're starting to get a little personal here, and I know I posted the bourbon post recently, but I'm fine. Really. Hold on a second.... there, I took a shot and feel better, let's move on.
Bobby needs to surround himself with decadence and opulence They didn't explain how, but yes, this sounds excellent.
Bobby needs to start lifting weights I am way too lazy for this one. I will try to start walking more, is that good enough?
Bobby needs a Flaying Really? This person must really be upset with me, or really really likes me in a strange sort of way. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Well, that's enough. I now know what I need, and will now be seeing if google can provide answers on how to get all of this stuff.

Flash Fiction Friday/Saturday

I did give fair notice the first week that I may not participate every week, but last week I said I was going to and didn't. I felt bad. To make up for it though, I give you this week's exciting entry.

It is total fiction this time, nothing autobiographical, which, depending on your viewpoint, could be either better or worse.

The rules, entries, etc can be found at JJ's site.

Today in History

I thought I would try "Today in History" as a posting theme, but apparently I picked a lame day. The news that Boy George had drugs in his home is actually making news? I mean, look at that face, would a man with this face do drugs? The one on the right, people. The man on the left is Rosie O'Donnell.

On this date:
2004, Martha Stewart went to "jail". Boosting her career, even if she won't admit it.

1939, Paul Hogan was born. Life purpose: to provide entertainment in the form of crocodile dundee movies. that's it. Really.

1943, Chevy Chase was born. Parents argued for hours over little baby's name, other option: Ford.

1949, Sigourney Weaver born. Starred in Alien movies, and generally looked pretty hot.

1970, Matt Damon born. Contrary to rumors, Ben Affleck was not attached to his hip.... yet.

1895, Queen Min the last empress of Korea, was assassinated. No commentary from me, I just wanted to say I brought something educational to this post.

That's about it. Seriously. So if you are considering doing something soon that would be historically significant, today would be a good day. You would out shine all of those.

My 2nd best friend....

So, the interviews went crappy. Haven't heard from anyone. One possibility that a good job will be available next week, but it's "iffy." The employment commission hasn't sent anything yet either. (Some of you are looking at the logo, yes, this is Bobby. Fritz and I, although for different but both incredibly stupid reasons, are in sort of the same situation lately.) Anyway, so one interview may turn out well, but I have to wait to find out, and it's still not the best job in the world, not in my field, but you know what, it pays money. Money, you read it correctly, and that's what I seem to need right now. Patsy, if you're still sober, please stop reading now....

Know what I need more though? Bourbon. Plain and simple, bourbon. We made some money today, not enough to pay the late rent, or pay any significant bills, and yes, I should put it aside in a little envelope, or one of those things I hate called banks (my extra free bank, that is.) But no, the money is going to pay for at least 2 shots of bourbon.

Why only two you ask? (Ask, darn it.) Well, after two quick shots of straight bourbon, I get outgoing and social enough to get the rest of my shots for free. Yes, free. I talk nice, I flirt, I suggest that someone buy a round to impress the new person they are with (Always while I am at the table of course), etc.

So, I plan on catching you all up on my week, during this weekend, but don't count on it being early in the morning tomorrow.

For those of you who have started Christmas lists, bourbon is always a winner for me.

Random Answers

I got tagged somewhere, and I shook the magic 8 ball for the answers, so here you go. (Actually it said to ask again later for three days, but finally gave me the answers today.)
1. Do you try to look hot when you go to the grocery store just in case someone recognizes you from your blog?
I try to look hot even when hanging out on my patio. It makes me feel better, and it makes the people who like looking at me feel better.

2. Are the photos you post Photoshopped or otherwise altered?
I have not yet mastered photoshop. I will someday.

3. Do you like it when creeps or dorks email you?
I love all email, except ones that insinuate my penis needs enlarged. That is the worst marketing email campaign ever.

4. Do you lie in your blog?
No. I alter a few things, if I think it is way too obvious that someone may figure out who I am talking about.

5. Are you passive-aggressive in your blog?
I am passive aggressive in all aspects of my life, or so I've been told. But they only tell me once. Once.

6. Do you ever threaten to quit writing so people will tell you not to stop?
I hate drama for the sake of drama. If I ever said I was quitting, it would be a real thought running through my head. I can't imagine stopping right now, but someday, who knows?

7. Are you in therapy? If not, should you be? If so, is it helping?
I am blogging to avoid having to pay for therapy.

8. Do you delete mean comments? Do you fake nice ones?
Nope, and nope. Mean comments would be cool, it may start some controversy. And a faked nice comment would bring me no pleasure.

9. Have you ever rubbed one out while reading a blog?
Who made these questions, anyway? My preacher reads my blog people. (Heh, I said I don't lie earlier, so no, my preacher doesn't read this blog. I don't really have a preacher, I don't have the room.)

10. If your readers knew you in person, would they like you more or like you less?
Probably some of both, but most people end up liking me. (I keep hearing Stuart Smalley saying, "And gosh darn it, people like me.")

11. Do you have a job?
Professional interviewer at the moment.

12. If someone offered you a decent salary to blog full-time without restrictions, would you do it?
At this moment, yes. Yes. It would have to be without too many restrictions, but as I sit here drinking my refreshing pepsi cola, I realize that yes, I could totally sell out and write a blog for money.

13. Which bloggers do you want to meet in real life?
You know who you are. All the linked blogs, and the newer ones I've started reading and commenting on. That would be one awesome party. (Yes, I just used the word awesome, it's been a long day.)

14. Which bloggers have you made out with? (a)In real life? (b)In fantasy?
a)none.... yet. b) heh, I have a separate post for each and every blog fantasy date that I will be posting over time.

15. Do you usually act like you have more money or less money than you really have?
Depends on who I am with. I have "trust fund" friends, who I constantly hint about how broke I am, so they pay for the drinks. Other people, I act like money is no problem, but you all know me best.

16. Does your family read your blog?
One family member. Possibly a few others that have never admitted it to me.

17. How old is your blog?
I started this back in 2003. However, it was August of 2005 that it hit puberty and became mildly interesting. I even started deleting some of the old posts, like: "Today sucked. Write more tomorrow." just isn't that interesting.

18. Do you get more than 1000 page views per day? Do you care?
No. And I think that would create more pressure.

19. Do you have another secret blog in which you write about being depressed, slutty, or a liar?
Not yet.

20. Have you ever given another blogger money for his/her writing?
Heh, no.

21. Do you report the money you earn from your blog on your taxes?
Yes, all .23 cents from my google adsense program. Oh wait, I forgot to activate that again. Darn it.

22. Is blogging narcissistic?
No. I only talk about how great i am part of the time.

23. Do you feel guilty when you don't post for a long time?
Yes. I feel like I need to check in and let people know I am okay. (I'm okay people, at least for today. Check back tomorrow.)

24. Do you like John Mayer?
No. Only because a concert in his hometown made traffic so bad as I was passing through that I was late for a party. Bastard.

25. Do you have enemies?
Yes, I guess. I have some people in my life that are completely psychotic and out to get me, but if they suddenly got help and were cured, I would leave them alone, mostly.

26. Are you lonely?
Not really. This new place we're living at is very social. Sometimes I wish I had a few friends more my age, most of my friends are Justin's age.

27. Why bother?
Why not? Seriously, this blog thing satisfies my writing itch. Until my book is published and sells trillions of copies, like the Harry Potter woman, I am content here. Memo to self, start writing a book soon.

Bonus
28. If they were to make a movie of your life, who would play the mailman? mailperson?
Keanu Reeves. On alternate days, he would have to deliver it in the "Bill and Ted" voice, "Here's your mail, dude!" and on the other days, he would have to dress like Neo and jump onto the porch and say something mystic while handing me the mail.

As I have mentioned before, I refuse to put peer pressure onto any of you and officially tag you, but if you haven't done this one yet....

Come on, all the cool kids are doing it. Try it....

What is more disturbing?

Quick quiz.

Should I be more concerned that I am now listed on the "Justin Guarini" fan news page (yes, he apparently still has fans) or that I am still getting pig porn searches? (both because of recent posts.)

I'm not sure which disturbs me more.

Off to a job interview or two, have a great day everyone.

"Extra" free!

A bank has been advertising "Extra Free Checking." Extra free?

Let's take a look at this for a minute. Free means no charge, no cost, etc.

Extra free would mean.... what exactly? If I told you I will give you a chair for free, you would take the chair and that would be it. If I told you the chair was "extra free", wouldn't that imply that you are getting something more than just the chair for no charge? Like, maybe I will deliver it for you? Or include a prize? Something, oh, I don't know, extra?

Is it just me, or does this bother anyone else? This post is basically free for you to read, if I said it was "extra" free, what would you expect extra? Someone to walk into your computer room and read it to you? I don't know, so I wouldn't advertise this post as "extra free", just free. (Minus the time you wasted reading it, the electricity for the computer, etc.)

Ok, done ranting for now. And by the way, the weird cat has nothing, absolutely nothing to do with this post, just another freaky picture I found.