The future is here!

Well, not really, the present is here. The future is coming. But anyway, I finally got a wireless account for my laptop, so I don't have to depend on other people's sometimes faulty wireless signals, and I don't have to hang at Starbucks or Hooters to use their WiFi. I can now, comfortably and without fear of being arrested, blog away completely naked.



Don't leave, I am not naked right now. Anyway, Happy Villain made a comment on the last post that it was too bad I couldn't have lost my ex and kept the ex's family. I then realized, due to my poor blogging skills lately, I had not let you all know what was going on with that. I still call them Ex Dad and Ex Sister, etc. but they are all still very much in my life. IT is amazing. Ex sister #1 and Ex sister #2 actually helped me move back here and leave the ex in Kentucky. They then helped me with money until my first check came in. I have dinner and hang with Ex Mom and Dad, party with the ex sisters, and hang out with my nieces and nephew. In fact, just last night at work my niece's boyfriend came into Shenaniganz, and when my niece realized i was there she came in to give me a hug and say she loved me.

Aaawwww. So anyway, I did get to get rid of the ex and keep the ex family. Life is good sometimes.

More later, I have been online for 1/2 an hour and I am anxious to see what all Britney Spears has been up to. Just kidding, you know I will be checking out porn.

Everyone loves... uh. sporting goods?

Strolling down memory lane.....

MY ex and I stressed to figure out one year what to give his dad for his birthday. His dad had made mention, as good parents will, that he wanted some stuff at Dick's Sporting Goods. He wouldn't mention what stuff, hence, hinting for a gift certificate.

We were more than happy to oblige. I am a big fan of gift certificates, despite people saying they are sentimental enough. I have enough sentiment in my life, give me more gift certificates dammit.

Anyway, back to the stroll.....

At his dad's birthday party, his dad opens gift number two, not from us, and gets, a gift certificate from Dick's Sporting Goods. My ex and I look at each other with a "oh well, great minds think alike" look.

Gift number 4 is, yep, a gift certificate for Dick's sporting goods. My ex and I think, great, now we're going to look really original, and why oh why didn't we get him to open our card first. At least we got him a card, the other two gift cards were just in a little Dick's sporting goods envelope. We rock.

X-Dad, mentions that he can use both certificates to buy something better now.

So, gift number six, us, he opens the card, reads it, and announces he got another gift certificate to Dick's Sporting Goods. My ex, ever so lame, apologizes, but X-Dad, being awesome, looks sincerely at the both of us, and says,

"That's okay, because you can NEVER get enough Dick's."

Wow. We didn't laugh. At least right then. But we laughed for weeks. And quoted him for weeks. Because, know it or not, it was the best thing a dad could ever have said to his gay son and partner.

And you know what? You really can't ever get enough Dick's.

nicknames

Ok, i understand if you are going to fly on a plane, your name on your i.d. should match the name on the ticket. Fine. that's all good. However, things have gotten a little out of hand...

First, if you look at my profile, you see my name is Bobby. You might then conclude that Bobby is not on my birth certificate, or id, it's probably Robert. Bobby, being short for Robert, as in Rob, Robby, Bob, Roberto, etc.

Well, to make things a little more difficult for the idiots in the world, Robert is actually my middle name, however, before you read the next paragraph and even start to feel sorry for the idiots mentioned, Robert IS listed on my id, fully.

So.... I went to cash a check from my aunt, who for thirty something years, has written me birthday and Christmas checks to "Bobby", since that's my name.

My bank, however, decided they can't deposit it, because it's not my name.

I explained that Bobby is a nickname, derived from Robert.

They kindly pointed out Robert is not my legal name.

I rudely pointed out that Robert is my legal MIDDLE name.

They then said that if Robert was my first name, that would be different.

Aha! A possible loophole, so I got a manager involved, and filled him in on the story thus far.

He let me know if Robert was my first name, they still wouldn't cash the check.

I asked if the check was made out to Rob, and Robert was my first name, would they cash it. They said no.

I have a hard time believing this.

So, I either have to alter the check to have my first name on it, or ask for a birthday/Christmas check to be rewritten, or give up on it all.

What do Bubba, Liz, Mike, Allie, Greg, etc. do with their checks? Oh yeah, they probably go to a better bank.

Shenaniganz

My new job, is, uh, interesting. I am managing at a huge convenient store with a food area and other stuff. Working with the public again has reminded me how, uh, interesting, people can be. As sampled below....

Customer: Can you make my footlong sub into thirds? We're going to split it.
I don't know why people feel like they owe you an explanation when they ask for something, I really don't care if Aunt Sara and Uncle Joe are splitting your sandwich with you, but anyway....

Employee: Sure! So you want each 4 inch wrapped separately! No problem.

Customer: No no no! I don't want three 4 inches, I want the footlong cut into THIRDS!

Employee: Trying not to laugh... So, you're twelve inch sub should be cut into thirds, making three 4 inch subs?

Customer: Looking confused and trying to put the two facts together. Finally, a grim look of determination on their face. No. Please just give me my footlong cut into thirds.

The employee sighs and agrees.....

So that's someone who can't do math. Here's an example of just a slow, slow person. I thought these people just got off on making people work, and some of them might, but some are just too slow to put more than one thing together at a time.

Customer: " a pack of marlboros please." They usually don't say please, but ok....

Employee walks and picks up a pack of marlboros.

Customer: "No, Marlboro lights."

Employee sighs and gets marlboro lights, thinking maybe they didn't hear the "Light" part before.

Customer sees employee pick up marloboro lights. "No, Marlboro Light MENTHOL"

Employee pauses, waiting for anything else to be added. The customer stares blindly at the counter. Employee picks up Marlboro light MENTHOL and brings back to the counter, rings it up, and tells the customer the price.

Customer: "I wanted 100's."

Employee ponders briefly killing the customer, of finding a new job, of where their life went horribly wrong, and picks up a pack of Marlboro Light Menthol 100's.


So, a small sampling of the wonderful customers. But it gets better, there are also interesting employees, policeman, district managers, and more. Look for the Shenaniganz posts everytime someone amuses me, pisses me off, or makes me laugh in their face.