I couldn't find a better adjective than "whopping?"

I got tagged with posting the 5th sentence of my 23rd post.

Argh. I didn't think this qualified as a sentence, so the following was there:

But, to make it all better they offered a whopping $50 coupon.

That sounds way more interesting on it's own, than my original post. I don't even know if people were even reading my blog back then, I may not have had comments activated, and the sitemeter was weeks away from being installed.

I was complaining about our flight and lost luggage. but instead I think I will suggest that JJ uses that line in a future Flash Fiction Friday. I think some interesting stories could ensue....

Tag if you want to play, I have already stated that I like to be "it", so why I would tag anyone else to be "it?"
I'm it!

For those of you following my computer problems, I am using the MAC right now, so that G's, H's, and apostrophes can be used. A cup of water, and the only detectable damage is the loss of those three keys. Which turn out to be pretty important when you go to type.

Te letters between f and j

certain keys on D keyboard arent workin, difficult to post dis way.

arrrrrrrr.

rebootin, rebootin, please worc...

Add one part H2O, one part Laptop.

Keep your fingers crossed for me. Amongst the numerous things currently going wrong in my life, I spilled water all over my laptop, which is already experiencing technical difficulties.

I turned it off, dried it well, and it came on by itself, displaying some very disturbing images on the display. I turned it back off, and it came back on, by itself, this time with a blank screen.

I turned it off, once again, and later tried turning it on, it didn't seem to be working.

One more time, and it appears to be working, at least we well as before. (Power issues) I might have to go back to my roomie's MAC, which we all know how we feel about that.

Why I usually won't take an online quiz.

You Are A: Frog!

Independent yet still part of a large community, frogs are unique creatures known for their distinctive sound and ability to hop. As a frog, you spend your days sitting on lily pads or climbing trees, searching for delicious insects to eat. While there are some frogs that aren't exactly cute, you are certainly not one of those!

You were almost a: Duck or a Turtle
You are least like a: Pony or a PuppyCute Animal Test!

I was almost a duck, and least like a puppy. And I'm a freaking frog? This is why I don't usually take these online quizzes.

Why I loathe peaches....

I wrote an autobiographical piece for Flash Fiction Friday. (I know I know, autobiography is not fiction, and I don't always play by the rules.) It is not anywhere near the quality of Spinning Girl's story, but it inspired mine.

I put it over here so if you didn't want to commit to a long post, you can just skip on down. It doesn't explain my extreme picky eating, but it does explain my extreme dislike of peaches.

Chaka Kahn's gonna rock ya.

I know, I know, I said I wasn't posting more today, but in the previous Land of the Lost post, a minor discussion ensued about a monkey from the show. Well, like the Bart picture says, I will google before asking dumb questions I can look up myself. (Ok, I won't always do that, but this time I did.)

So anyhow, when a piece of trivia gets stuck in my head, it really bothers me. I thought about it, and finally just googled it. Chaka. Chaka was the monkey guy that was the kid's friend from the land of the lost. For some reason, even though my friends would talk about wanting a "Chaka" like creature as a friend, I only found him to be annoying. A big monster would be coming through the trees, the family would spot it, and then Chaka would say something in his language, "Chaka Kahn. Chaka Kahn. Chaka Kahn gonna rock you." or something like that. And the family would all praise Chaka like he had saved their lives from the monster they had already seen.

I have a lot of Chaka like people in my life. I trip on something, and someone says, "Watch out for that." Or I break something, and someone points out "You have to be careful with those". I am going to just start saying, "Thanks Chaka. Good Chaka." when they say these stupid things. And I am not going to explain why. It will make me feel better to make them wonder.

In future comments, when someone points out the obvious, I will be posting back, "Thank you Chaka. Good Chaka." You'll know what I mean, even if they don't.

Taking it easy....

Yesterday, I realized that on Wednesday, I maybe over did it with 4 posts in one day. Granted, none of them were earth shattering, none of them drastically (or undrastically) changed anyone's life, and they didn't cure anyone's crabs. (I guess they could have provided some distraction to someone who was reading them while recovering from crabs, but I digress...)

I did have a maniacal burst of energy on Wednesday, and had a lack of outlets to apply the energy to, so it all came here. So yesterday, I took it easy, read and commented on blogs I like and didn't post anything.

Now, today, I am feeling guilty. But I am not going to throw just anything out there. I have some thoughts running around, that I am going to work on later, but for now, I am going to continue to read and comment elsewhere.

Two interesting notes
1. Another person found my sight looking for pig porn, but their search was FOUR pigs XXX. Is pig porn big enough now that not just sexy pics of pigs are enough, but entire pig orgies are out there? I don't want to know, really.
2. Someone from Limerick, Ireland visited my site. I didn't even know there was a place actually called Limerick. (Geography was never a strong point of mine.) Is this the town that Limericks started, or was it named afterwards? Welcome, visitor from Limerick, and I won't post a limerick trying to be cute, I am sure you get that all the time.

Short Ephiphany #3: I am madly in love with Spinning Girl

I've never been in love with someone whose real name I didn't know. (Ok, once, but I did know their stripper name, and that counts, right?) Anyway, assuming you didn't get to my blog from hers already, check her out. It will be a long distance love affair, so no restraining order is needed, SG. Love you, and the scary pics of the doll and the sleestaks will hopefully replace these. I do apologize for those.

Epihany #2: I figured out the secrets of Lost

Tonight was the season premiere of Lost. I no longer need to watch it though, as I figured out the two main points to the whole series that will end it and wrap it up nicely.

First, to help them figure out how to get off that darn island, Marshall, Will, and Holly will show up. They are from the "Land of the Lost", and are thoroughly knowledgeable on all things lost. (But help me out people, did they ever actually get out of the land of the lost? Or did the series end first? Or is this before most of your times?

Secondly, the things in the woods that are stalking the Lost people, are actually Sleestacks. In retrospect, if you watched the show now, the sleestaks were never very threatening, but in tradition of modern television, they will now be cannibals and spit acid, which makes for great special effects. (But if you watched this show as a child, the sleestaks were scary in their own special way.)

So there you have it, no need to watch Lost anymore, and time to see if you can order old Land of the Lost episodes from Amazon. Not really, but at least rent "Trilogy of Terror", that one if worth watching again, if only for the one with the doll.

Ephiphany #1: Karen Black kept me from wearing sandals

Bear with me here, it will all make sense in the end. I didn't wear sandals, or go barefoot, for most of my life, until this year. I was asked why I, and it took my a while, but it ends up, it is all Karen Black's fault. Well, okay, Karen Black indirectly, the babysitter who allowed me to watch "Trilogy of Terror" when I was three or four was really more at fault. I don't really remember the other two tales of terror, but the one with the little doll was horrifying. Once it came to life, it chased after Karen Black, and since it was small, it poked it's little spear at her ankles, trying to make her fall to the ground so it could kill her. When I was five, my grandmother had a bobble head doll that resembled the doll from the movie, and I screamed when the air conditioner went on and made the head seem to bobble on its own. So there you have it, the babysitter with bad judgement and Karen Black kept me from wearing sandals or going barefoot until this year.

Or the bee that stung me on the bottom of my foot when I was five, but that doesn't make a good story now, does it?

Reports are in: Blah

Justin's birthday went well, had a good time, and no big hangovers. Thanks everyone for wishing him a great birthday.

The angry joggers post is still accepting comments. Please scroll down and enter some, as now I am home most mornings, and enjoy using all of the comments. The plus side is that college started back up, (we are near a local college) so there are some nice looking joggers now, as well. But the nice looking ones can be angry, too, and still deserve our scathing wit.

I wrote a long, long, post yesterday, and have so far saved it as a draft. I didn't want to post it, it is rather depressing, on Justin's birthday, and may not post it at all. We'll see.

I have been following everyone else's blogs religiously (no, that doesn't mean I only read them on Sundays). The article from the San Francisco paper about Spinning Girl being in the human zoo was great. I am too lazy to do a link, so go over to the side bar and click away.

I have had the unfortunate opportunity to view a few episodes of "My Super Sweet 16" on MTV. I have never watched a show, honestly, where I have wanted to smack the crap out of someone so much. Which episode, you ask? All of them that I've seen. All of them go on and on about how much they "deserve" their new BMW, their ten thousand dollar dress, their half a million dollar party, etc. "It's kind of expensive, but I really deserve it."

No beeotch, you deserve a smack. Two, actually. I mean, even Omorosa was "working" on her reality show. A lot of people annoyme, (obviously), but people who think they deserve things for no reason really, really, tick me off.

Happy Birthday to Justin

Today is Justin's birthday. I can't get him all of the things he wants, or deserves, but I wish him the best, and love him with all of my heart. And he is recovering from surgery quite nicely, thanks to everyone who wished him well and asked about him.

Happy Birthday Justin!!!!

Google me all night long, baby.

How do people find this book if they can't use google? I imagine if you can't even use google, you probably need some help to get to the bookstore, find the book, and hell, figure out how to pay. Recently though, some of us have been sharing google searches that led people to our sites, so I thought I would share a few new ones. trust me, it's better than the serious crap I've been typing and saving as drafts....

A while back, I mentioned the word verifier word was pigsxxx. Librarian made a comment that someone searching for pig porn was bound to find my site, and sure enough, a recent search for pig porn listed my site as #2. Number one is too disgusting to even type, but I feel honored to be in their company, and feel sorry for the person who read through my site (23 minutes) diligently looking for the pig porn reference.(So far, they haven't returned.)

My $150 Beamer post brought in a few people, nothing weird there, but once again, I am sure some disappointment was present.

Someone with some issues about their gender found the post clarifying my gender, but did not receive any assistance finding their own. Sad. They haven't returned either, but they've got more important things to deal with anyway.

Here is the most perplexing search ever received on my site. Someone found this when searching for Howie Mandell. Why oh why would anyone be searching for Howie Mandell? I have spent numerous minutes trying to figure this one out, and I just can't do it. Somethings are probably better left unexplained.

It's all about the "O"

First off, thanks to all for the suggestions for me to use while harassing the angry joggers. If you haven't read through them, or suggested your own, please do. Between harassing angry joggers, and reflecting on life, I took a small break and we watched an old rerun of MadTV, and they featured the hot and upcoming band, OTown! Do you remember them? They had a reality show (making the band) on MTV for a while, were supposed to be the new backstreet boys (like we all needed new backstreet boys), blah blah blah. Here is a small sample of their lyrics to jog your memory, from their song "Liquid Dreams", which is pretty close to Wet Dreams, if you ask me.

I dream about a girl who's a mix of Destiny's Child,
Just a little touch of Madonna's wild style,
With Janet Jackson's smile, throw in a body like Jennifer
You've got the star of my liquid dreams

First off, not the best lyrics in the world, and I really doubt that a few of them have ever had a "Liquid dream" that involved a woman, but let's move on.

In the tradition of "Where are they now?", I did some research, as I am sure everyone is just dying to know. It's amazing what you can find on the internet, even without paying the $35 background check fee. And note to my probation officer, this is not stalking, I don't do that anymore. And even if I did, O Town was never on my list of people, organizations, or entities that I am not allowed to stalk any longer.
Ashley, the blonde one, is now a "personal assistant" to an elderly, life long bachelor, in Key West. Most of his daily duties involve cleaning the pool in his speedos, serving meals in his speedos, taking phone calls in his speedos, you get the idea. Ashley is rumored to be quite happy, and only hopes that when his employer dies, the judges don't screw him over like they did poor Anna Nicole.

Dan, to the left of the blonde one, was recently promoted to head fry cook at a local pub and is working on losing some of the 100 pounds he put on after the band stopped touring. He still sings at local karaoke events, and is occasionally asked for his autograph when signing checks and paying bills.

Jacob, top right, with unexplained dreadlocks, recovered nicely from his family intervention. His hair is now back to normal and takes less time to get ready in the mornings on his way to Piggly Wiggly to bag groceries.

Erik, with the shaved head, whose last name is Estrada (no relation), tried briefly to do celebrity impersonations of, you guessed it, Erik Estrada. His lack of acting skill enhanced his impersonation, and Erik has now saved up enough money to attend night time refridgeration school.

Trevor, the other one, was hard to find. The last people to admit to seeing him said that he was tracking down Justin Guarini (from American Idol fame) so they could pitch Trevor's screenplay based on the life of the Milli Vanilli guys. Trevor and Justin would play the star roles of course.

I wanted more information, so I emailed VH1, as they have that show "Bands Reunited", and asked if they could work on an OTown reunion. The rep from VH1 emailed me back and asked, "Who?"

Animal Planet stories that didn't make it.

This beautiful white giraffe was recently spotted and animal experts are extremely excited. News has been downplayed, however, as the news originally reported that the white giraffe was spotted "finding" leaves, while nearby black giraffes were reported to be "stealing and looting" the same leaves.

Also, Old Yeller dog food was going to be featured on Animal Planet, but the company's commercials tagline, "Feed your dog one last good meal before you put him down." was found to be lacking in sensitivity.

Angry Joggers in the morning.

I fix some coffee, go to the front porch, light up a cigarette, and start enjoying the morning. Pleasant weather, good coffee, inhale and exhale of a good smoke. Then, the angry joggers start going by. These aren't the joggers who truly enjoy jogging, either for their health, or for rush of endorphins. These are the joggers who truly resent the fact they are jogging. And apparently, they really resent me, for I get angry look after angry look, as I sit on my butt, drinking coffee full of sugar and milk, smoking an unhealthy cigarette, and watching them go by. Up until now, I usually just watch them go by, amused they are so angry. This morning though, I got a little peeved, and moved to the edge of the porch, and starting making sounds when they gave me a look. Sounds like "MMMmmm.... good coffee.", or "Nothing like the first smoke of the morning" as I exhale in their general direction. (I'm too far to actually get the smoke to them, it's mainly for effect.)

I am starting a list, and feel free to contribute. I will try all entries at least once, with the exception of entries that are mainly profanity, (I will use profanity, but it needs to be creative profanity), and I won't use ones that are likely to have the joggers come back later in a pack to kick my ass. (Are groups of joggers a "pack?", or a herd, I have no idea.)

I tried a few out this morning.
"New studies show that jogging actually increases your cholesterol levels!" (this comment got a slightly turned head but no verbal reaction.)
"There are people in the world who can't even afford to jog!" (the lady actually laughed briefly before putting her angry face back on.)
Since I hadn't had much coffee yet, I couldn't come up with anymore at the time, but I am now preparing a list. I will only use the comments on the angry joggers, not the nice ones who smile or say good morning, so feel free to give me some comments to use. And if you are a jogger yourself, please do it for the love of jogging, and don't be mad at those of us who exervice our right to not jog.

My dog talks to me, sort of.

I was accused of being insane earlier. Yes, this has happened before, for various reasons, and if it makes anyone feel better, I've never been accused of being insane by a professional. However, someone overheard me supplying my dog with a voice. (No, I am not drunk, nor was I drunk when this happened.) When I talk to my dog, for example, "Want to go outside?", I will sometimes reply to myself, "Let's go find a good tree, Bobby, and hurry up about it." The reply is from my dog to me, and I am pretty confident I voice my dog's opinions pretty accurately. However, this time, someone overheard me, and the conversation was a few sentences longer than my example about the tree, and the person, who also owns a dog, said I was insane. Not for talking to my dog, which they found perfectly acceptable, but for replying for him.

So now, to prove my point, or to convince me to seek professional help, I am asking you all, do you ever do this? My dog says this is perfectly acceptable, and sees nothing wrong with it. In fact, he was a little pissed that my sanity was questioned, and wanted me to tell this person to do something along the lines of shoving something up their butt, but I did restrain myself from articulating that particular thought.

So, my dog and I anxiously await your thoughts on the matter. I am going to read some blogs while I wait for your comments, and my dog will be making prank calls to the neighbors.

I had trouble getting to Solla Sollew

"Then new troubles came.
From above!
And below!
A Skritz at my neck!
Amd a Skrink at my toe!
And now I was really in trouble, you know.
The rocks! And the Quail!
And the Skritz! And the Skrink!
I had so many troubles, I just couldn't think!

That is a very accurate description of my life right now, which I am sure I will be expanding on in the upcoming days and weeks. But stay with me, dear readers. This is a bourbon enhanced post, but it is totally relevant and also, I would like to think, insightful.

If you've never read "I had trouble in getting to Solla Sollew", by Dr. Seuss, I highly suggest going and doing so. And if it is hidden away in your children's bookcase, dig it out, and read it to yourself. It is written in his traditional style, mainly for children, but this book has a deeper message to it. (Okay, maybe not totally deep, but deep.)

There are troubles all around, for example, (and this will test to see how far people read), having your job eliminated, and sometimes when those troubles come along, you want to go somewhere else, in the hope that things will be better if you can just be somewhere different. The urge can be small, and it can be overwhelming. I don't want to ruin the ending for you, but it fits so nicely with my post here:

I know I'll have troubles.
But I've brought a big bat.
I'm all ready, you see.
Now my troubles are going
To have troubles with me!

So I got the message, loud and clear. I just need to find my big bat, and I'll be ready to go. I'm not sure what it is yet, but I'll find it, and then my troubles will have some big troubles with me.

I could never be a nurse. Ever.

I could never be a nurse. You all probably already knew that, if you've read even half of my stuff here, but really, watching the crap nurses have to put up with, uh uh, no way. Justin came through fine, the surgery was scheduled for 2 hours, and lasted over 3 1/2 (which drove me insane, since I didn't receive an update until they were done and he was in recovery.) But he's in a lot of pain today, making him grumpy, and for the record, he is not the most easy going patient. Nor am I the most easy going care giver, but like I said, we all knew that. Despite all of that, over all we are doing well. Thank you everyone for the kind wishes for both of us.

A few updates, I am working on the nurse picture, thanks for asking.

I will be writing about the "shindig" last weekend. Soon.

And I am attempting to get the laptop issue taken care of quickly, as my hatred for the mac grows daily. I hate even walking by it, as it seems to taunt me with it's little flickering monitor light. I think it is taunting me in morse code, but luckily I don't know morse code, except SOS, which we learned in scouts. And has that ever come in handy throughout my life.

And a few brief pieces of advice:
*Don't ask the night security guards where anything is located in a hospital.
*Don't attempt to use an emergency exit only door, even when your pissed that you've been given faulty directions.
*The painkiller pump button can be pushed by other people, it doesn't have to be the patient. (Which comes in handy when the patient is being grouchy.)
*Avoiding potholes in the street to give the patient a pleasant ride home will actually cause more of a bumpy ride than if you hadn't even tried.

Macs, surgeries, and power cords. Oh my.

The power cord on my laptop has stopped working. It won't stay plugged in long enough to charge the battery, and won't stay in long enough to even use the thing for more than 10 minutes. Of course I didn't know you couldn't buy dell stuff at the store, you have to order it online. So no laptop for a few days, until the cord arrives. My laptop, while relatively new, has quickly become an obsession with me, I have everything saved on it, and the only other computer in the house is my roomie's MAC.

All you MAC lovers out there, bear with me, but the MAC won't even load all of the blogger toolbars, it won't load my favorite blogs on my own freaking blog site, and while very nice, is in general a piece of crap.

Justin's two shoulder surgeries are at 6am tomorrow morning. So I don't know how much I will be posting in the next couple of days. He is supposed to be released, at the latest, at 430am Tuesday morning. (This will avoid being charged an overnight stay.) He could be released Monday evening, but it's doubtful. I have most of this week off from work, except for three or four times where I will have to go in, and leave Justin with a designated person whose job is to keep his stubborn butt in bed and keep him from lifting anything.

I had thought having the week off would provide numerous blogging opportunities, but it all depends on how much Justin needs help and how much I have to yell at him.

I know I promised an update on the big shindig (I love that word) that Justin's family had. They introduced their children and the children's families. They called prior and asked how we should be introduced. They brought all of their kids up, and when it was our turn, I was introduced as Justin's partner. I think that is really great of them. This was not the most progressive and hip crowd, and I am sure some people didn't approve, but I don't care. His family is great.

Anyway, I will blog when I can. And I will still be reading, and commenting whenever circumstances allow.

Arnie's Raw Deal

I have a lot of friends that I hardly ever get to see, but I try to have lunch, dinner, or
drinks with my "out of touch" friends at least once or twice a year. So today, I went to happy hour with a couple of old friends, Jamie Lee and Grace.

Although they live nowhere near, they fly in, we have tons of drinks, they fill me in on neighborhood gossip and goings on with their Local PTA's, we swap recipes, and we just generally "girl talk." (Except Grace, she doesn't really "girl talk", I am pretty sure she has more testosterone than me.) We got on the topic of politics, after talking about some of their old friends that, they have in common, and they both shared recent messages they had both sent to Governor Arnold. (We all giggle when we say "Governor Arnold".) I asked, and they said I could reprint their messages here. (I added the links but didn't edit the content.) It was the picture to the right that sparked the conversation. We saw it after discussing Patsy's good post from this morning. Love you, Patsy.

This one is from Jamie Lee.

Arnold,

It's Jamie. I know we haven't talked in a while, but I thought I would drop you a note. I saw your picture the other day, and you're not looking too well. I mean, I know you're getting older, like we all are, but with all that money, get some work done. You're the fitness guy. The guy who could bench press me and two of my body guards at once! (And wow, what the four of us would do after that was just wild.) Sorry, I got off track. Anyway, I noticed you were looking a little stressed. Stress caused by your career, I'm sure. You were certainly never stressed making movies. "True Lies" was a contrived piece of crap, as we both know, but we had fun making it. We had such big dreams back then.
But now, what's happened to you now? You've posed naked. You've posed naked in a gay magazine. You were naked in movies, and you were the fucking terminator! You could be using your authority as Governor to do so much. And now you're going to veto the gay marriage bill? How many gay friends do you have, from your weight lifting days, your movie career, and just from living in California! And you don't even say it yourself, your press secretary announced it. What a pussy thing to do. I know you're planning on announcing your intent to run for governor again, and just think how many people would vote for you if you stood up for equal rights, that all people deserve? And there's still a ton of closeted gays you don't even know about that would vote for you! Even Ryan Seacrest would vote for you if you did the right thing. (Not that he's closeted, but you get the point.)

But no, apparently you are now just an out of shape, old, politician who plays it safe. Try to remember the good old days, and do the right thing.

Jamie Lee
p.s. let me know if you see any good scripts, my career's been a little slow lately. My latest and biggest appearance in years is on some blog with vomit in the title.

This next one is from Grace. She isn't quite as eloquent, but good communication basically boils down to if your point gets across. I think Grace does that here.

Arnold, quit being a freaking douche. Don't veto the bill and be a man. Grace.

Anyway, after a few margaritas, they both admitted their messages probably won't do any good, but they did let me ride in the limo and drink from the limo's bar. So, some times, when things aren't going your way and things look all depressing, at least a limo with a bar is right around the corner. And Grace gives a mean hummer.

Rules so people don't have to think.

A while back, which is my vague term for "I can't remember exactly when", Justin and I found an apartment we really liked and wanted. Everything was going fine, and then we asked about the pet deposit, as we already knew they
accepted pets.

"what type of dog is it?" the apartment manager, henceforth referred to as "brain dead", asked.
"Miniature Pinscher." we replied, adding "He's already full grown, and weighs about 8 1/2 pounds." We always add that,
so people know it's a small dog, which some apartments prefer.
"Oooohhhh...." Brain Dead said, shaking her head. "We don't allow that breed."
Astonished, we asked why.
Brain Dead said, "we have a list of breeds we don't allow, since they can be vicious, and doberman pinschers are on the list. I'm very sorry, would you consider getting rid of your dog?"
Obviously, Brain Dead was not a pet owner or she wouldn't have asked that. We really wanted the apartment, otherwise this was the point I would have gone off on Brain Dead.
"He's not a doberman pinscher, he's a miniature pinscher, which is actually a terrier breed." we explained patiently. "You allow terriers don't you?" We ignored her request to get rid of our dog.
"Oh yes!" Brain Dead said.
"So we're fine."
"No, his breed name has pinscher in the title, so we wouldn't allow it."
"He's a terrier, they are bred to look like dobermans, but they aren't even related."
"But he has pinscher in his title."
"But he isn't one."
This went back and forth for a few minutes, with Justin's temper starting to make his voice get harsher. Ever the facilitator, I interjected, "If my name was Mr. Black, would that make me black? Because I have black in my name?"
"Obviously not, sir." Brain Dead said, increasing my hope that I could actually show her the error of her ways.
"So, our dog's name is like that, he's called a miniature pinscher, but he is actually a terrier. I can bring a note from the vet if you need it for your manager."
Ooops. I apparently insulted Brain Dead at this point, insinuating she needed her manager's authority to make this decision.
"The vet would state that his breed is minitature pinscher, though, right?" Brain Dead said. Now, the way she said it made her sound quite intelligent and rational, but trust me, she wasn't.
I had to agree, that yes, the vet would state his name was miniature pinscher, but his breed was terrier.
"And we don't allow dogs with pinscher in their title to move in." Brain Dead said, concluding her argument, and adding a smile that I would have liked to physically remove from her face.

I continue to explain that I understood their policy, but that rules are guidelines, and obviously someone had not thought this one through, and that's why people are in place to interpet those rules when odd circumstances come along, like this one. It didn't help.

Now when someone like that asks, we just say he is a terrier. When they comment on how much he looks like a doberman, we reply, "yes, amazing what breeders can do these days with terriers."

I was going to link to min-pin mama's blog, but I am at work and can't find it. I Will edit at home.
Also, the minpin in the pic is cute, and looks similar to our dog, but it just doesn't feel right having another dog's picture on my blog. It's like when I come home after playing with someone else's dog and my dog can smell it on me. I feel like I've been caught cheating.

I will replace the picture as soon as I get home, and hopefully before my dog notices.

My $150 Beamer

So here I am posing next to our 1990 BMW 750 iL, which we have had for a few years, but is still well worth over $8000. With all the "pimped out" extras that we have put in there let's talk upwards of $11,000. Not dwelling on that or anything......Anyway, as we all know good people fall on hard times. We have all heard of these"Title Loan" places that you go to, with a clean title, you get a loan,which puts a Lean on your title, and you get some $$. What you don't know is, if your car is a 1990 or older, the MAX amount that they will loan you is $150.00. I took them this car and they told me that the maximum loan on my car would be One Hundred & Fifty Dollars. HEH. I looked at that bitch, snatched my title up, and went the hell off. Apparently anything older than 1991 is not in their systems, in that case that is all that they can give you. I called the HQ of the business and spoke to someone kinda high up on the chain. He just verified what the nice young bitch had told me so condescendingly. He said, just for shit's and giggles, what kind of car do you have, sir. I told him, and all he could say is that "it just isn't fair". (He was very insightful.) So when they say that you can borrow up to half of your car's value, what they really mean is as follows: They look up the Black Book value for your car. This is basically between Trade-in, and Private Party. They Divide that number by 2 and That is the amount that they will lend you. Black Book value on mine is $5500. Don't let the ads deceive you, RESTRICTIONS DO APPLY! Ok now I know someone must be asking, if he has this car, why would he need a loan. Well this was a present that I got from my Grandfather's Will. I loved that man, and in turn He Loved Me! I see now what he saw in that car. So I am not a Yuppy by choice, just by circumstance!

One more rant, and this is a short one. A local department store is having a huge ONE DAY ONLY sale. When is it? Friday and Saturday.

Saw what?

RuPaul and Ashley Judd. Don't ask me why.

Note to self. Add this RuPaul Doll (seriously) to list of things that people better not buy me, but probably will. Especially with Christmas coming up. Note to Readers: The remainder of this post does not mention Rupaul or the doll, please continue without fear.

There's been a lot of talk about blogs and bloggers lately. Most of it's been good, and I have agreed with so much of it. A little bit of it has been very critical of blogs and the writers, and I just started wondering if the people being critical are just doing it for a reaction? I mean, the majority of their readers are bloggers as well.

But on a lighter note, let's all thank Ashley Judd for deciding not to create and write a blog. This is a quote from her:

"Every morning, I put down all my annoyances on paper so I don't take them out on people later in the day. I would be completely embarrassed if anyone ever read them. It's like, 'My tea is the wrong temperature, and I don't want to get up.'"

Wow. If my tea, or other drink, is the wrong temperature, I didn't even know not getting up was an option. Ok, it's not really an option for me, but I just think some of the quotes that celebrity "news" outlets use are just ridiculous. I mean, Ashley Judd must have said something, sometime, that was a little more relevant or interesting than that.

Right?

Okay, maybe not.

Richmond City Laws and 7-11

I've mentioned before how silly some of the laws are, here in Virginia, and Richmond specifically. Here's a good one they have apparently missed.

We went up to 7-11, and two women had a 13 month old baby at work with them, in a stroller behind the counter. Apparently, while this is against company policy, (We checked), it isn't against the law to have your 13 month old, at a convenient store at 11pm at night, in not the greatest part of town. (Before bringing the baby to the counter to help us, the baby was back by the freezer and cleaning supplies, while momma and friend helped themselves to a slurpee.

It saddens me to no end that you have to obtain a license to drive, fish, and hunt, but any idiot can get knocked up, and be a complete idiot parent.

This post is as bad as, like, whatever.

I was pondering Spinning Girl's post from this morning, and I think for me, I really want to try to write well someday. I do have a specific goal/reason for this, which I may go into detail someday (You know I will eventually), but for now, let's leave it at "I want to be a decent writer."

In the midst of ponderance, I remembered a friend sending me the following list of actual analogies used in high school essays. I always go back and read these when I have writer's block, or when I write something really bad and realize it .

My two favorites are in bold.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming....

Ahem. Just ignore that last post.

I can't even really explain, just, well, let's move on.

I got tagged with the 7 idiosyncracies thing a while back, and I couldn't just post them without an explanation. Trust me, I couldn't.

So, I may be covering them one at a time, with full explanation.

My mother habitually took all of the family pictures. A nice and noble thing to do, except that she did it so she wouldn't actually be in the pictures. She wasn't ugly, she was a beautiful woman. She just "had a thing" about being in the pictures. I guess her obsession could have been called mildly cute when it was happening, but it makes it very disturbing to look back at albums and wonder where your mother was.

Even worse, if she made it into a picture, which happened occasionally despite her protests, the picture that made it into the album would mysteriously be missing her. She would cut her self out of pictures, despite where she was positioned, making for some really odd pictures. (And people that didn't know her, and start looking through the pictures wonder why someone is cut out of the pictures, not always believing this simple explanation.)

Now, I have inherited her obsession. I hate being in pictures. Justin has tried to get me to overcome this, I am not ugly either. But I would much rather take pictures, than be in them.

And the one time I was caught trying to cut myself out of a picture, there was hell to pay.

Now, he hides the scissors from me. So I won't cut the pictures. At least that's why he tells me he hides them.....

Mannequins.

Him: "Hey baby, come here often?"
Her: "Oh, you're so funny. You've used that line every day for the last 3 weeks."
Him: "Do you like my mustache?"
Her: "Oh yes, it's glued on quite nicely."
Him: "You're one fine piece of plastic, let's get it on!"
Her: "Look, I've been nice, because we may be here a while. But I can't take it anymore. You don't have any genitals."
Him: "I know, I'm all talk. I kind of have a complex."
Her: "We can be friends."
Him: "That sounds good. Can I feel you breasts?"
Her: Sigh.


Mannequins creep me out, and I lived with one once. It was a woman, waist up only, but arms. My roommate, who owned it/her, would change the mannequin's shirt daily, and accessorize it as well.

Freaking creepy, especially at 3 in the morning, dark, and drunk. Creepy.
*This brief foray into the frightening frivolity of my mind is brought to you by the letter "P".
P is for percocet, boys and girls.
I promise to not do this often, really. Please visit again.

Why, Gary, Why?!?!?

So, my disappointment in Gary has grown. Maybe it's all my fault, I spent most of yesterday afternoon and evening thinking about Gary. (I'll admit it, Gary popped into a few of my dreams as well.) I spent hours wondering, does Gary like my site, did he buy my blogshares blindly to leave me dissapointed, what is he doing right now, is he happy, what is his instant messenger id?
But now, I am growing resentful. Is he out with some other blogger, sweet talking them and buying their blogshares? I'll admit it, I even went over to his website to see if I was linked, or even if he just mentioned me. I checked my webstats to see if he visited again, and to see where he is from.

*SIGH* I guess Gary could just be busy, despite his web profile implying differently, he could have some semblance of a life. Who knows? Time to move on...

Have a great Labor Day weekend everyone. There was going to be a big party at Gary's house, but since he isn't talking, I guess it's off. Darn it, I said I wasn't going to mention him again. I am off to kill some pain, maybe when the full effect kicks in I will be able to move on and talk about something other than... well, you know.

I can't vomit.

It's too early for anything too relevant, but someone found my site by searching for "I can't vomit" at yahoo. I think that's just grand.

I can always vomit when I need to.

Gary, my new online stalker/friend.

Meet Gary LaPointe. (Hi, Gary, or is it Mr. LaPointe?) I feel like I should be able to call you Gary, as I accidentally stumbled across the fact that you "own" 80% of my "blogshares". (The other 20% are apparently reserved for me, as the owner, which I haven't claimed yet.)

I am assuming Gary has viewed my blog at some point, but I could be wrong, he could have just seen the increasing value of my blog through the blogshares site and bought it there. (I think.)

I am leaving this message for Gary up until he can at least say hello. (Notice I am not posting the link to Gary's site, blog, etc. because I think, if I get the whole blogshare thing, that would make his blog more valuable. I think it would make mine more valuable, too, but oh well.) So please say hi Gary, if you are out there, and if that is indeed your real name.

I briefly glanced at the blogshare website, and got some statistics on me, and a few of you regulars.

My most recent valuation showed my outgoing link value at $113.25.

Four of you are listed on the information page for me, and I might mention that you all have higher values. I am jealous. (I am listing them as their site did.)

Life's Misadventures - $501.69
Eleven Point Five - $278.62
I was just thinking - $249.14
All I Really Have to Do - $123.20

So, some of you regulars who are worth so much, can I borrow some money? Real money, not blogshare money!

And if anyone has an brief, non-technical, explanation, please let me know.

Weekend plans: Drink, blog, repeat.

Short post this morning until my doctor appointment and hopefully some pain relief. A co-worker with family in Georgia reported gas in the five to six dollar range this morning. (My area is still right around three.)
So, for those who enjoy my verbal vomit, you will have plenty to read this weekend, as I am planning on drinking, blogging, and drinking some more. Anything to avoid using gas.

The following from a joke email on how to have fun while at work: Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No I'm sorry I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi." made me remember something I was going to post about earlier, "dude" is no longer acceptable at work.

Seriously. Dude is a term that can now land you in the Human Resources office. Why? Some people feel dude is offensive, like you are implying they are a surfer, a stoner, or a male, if you called a girl dude. (Which many people do, dude has become non-gender specific.)

Don't people have more important things to worry about? Like, what about the high gas prices dude?

I hate Fiona Apple

This just in, people's intelligence level actually drops on Wednesday. No, I don't have any scientific proof, it's in the really strong theory category right now. But I am not having a good day, and here is an example.

I received an email today, from a co-worker, who asked for instructions on how to forward an email. Seriously. I replied with, "you open the email, click the forward button, click send." Apparently that wasn't what they needed, but it was exactly what they asked for.

What did all of that have to do with Fiona Apple, you may be asking. Fiona Apple drove her cargo van, going 70 miles per hour, into our car, which was at a complete dead stop, back in 2001. Stay with me, this all relates to me having a bad day.

Am I rich, now? Do I have horrific lingering back pain issues?

No, (no great pay off for the totaled car) and yes (tons of pain). Unfortunately for me, it was not the Fional Apple. It was a 17 year old blonde girl who had the misfortune of having the same name. This little cutie (I say that with dripping sarcasm, as the cop decided against ruining her one year old perfect driving record with a nasty ol' ticket, due to her being so darn cute) giggled throughout the whole thing, despite the presence of injured people around her. And, to top it off, her and her two male football player friends, didn't bother helping anyone get their cars off the road, because... well, because their van started just fine, they were too busy giggling, and she was too darn cute to be doing physical labor.

So, back to me.... The doctor who has been seeing me recently, due to new backpains, decided that instead of finding something that would work for my pain, he would pawn me off on a physical therapist. Which would be great if physical therapists carried around magic wands. So, if my writing seems a little bitter, or sporadic for a few days, blame Fiona Apple.

Gender questions and tagging.

LBseahag, from Jinx the wondercat, asked the intriguing question, if I was a boy or a girl? After scanning a few of my recent posts, I realized that I hadn't written anything specifically that would let you know. The only real clue may have been my profile pic, but if you go by profile pics, then LBseahag is a gorilla, and although gorillas have learned sign language, I don't think they have quite mastered the art of blogging. (That would be interesting, if they learned some more words, or incredibly boring, who knows?)
Bobby is a gender neutral name, and even other people named Bobby don't follow the gender spelling rules, Bobby was a guy, Bobbie was a girl. Not anymore.
So, the answer is.. SPOILER WARNING for those who don't want to know.
I'm a boy.
Hence the disturbing image of me in a nursing outfit (see highlights in previous post.) I thought it would be funny and might cheer him up, but I just don't think I can pull it off.
Also, while tying up loose ends, I got tagged with the "7" list, answers below. The question about the opposite sex may be funnier now that you know I am male. (I also got tagged with the idiosyncrasies one, but I haven't finished it yet.)
Plan to do before I die
1. Retire, with money.
2. Have a kid. (Not actually have a kid, oh you know what I mean.)
3. Take a vacation where I completely and totally don't have to worry about money.
4. Get over my obsession about not liking odd numbered things. (Hence, I have changed this to 6, instead of 7.)
5. Record a "video tombstone" message that people will not forget.
6. Skydive.
Things I can do
1. Remember obscure facts, but only by not remembering anything important.
2. Pee Wee Herman impressions. (the verbal kind, you sickos)
3. Speak in front of large crowds without soiling myself.
4. Let my cell phone ring and not answer it, which some people seem unable to do.
5. Take large doses of xanax and still function.
6. Spend large amount of time with my honey and my dog and be completely content. (Mostly)
Things I can't do
1. Eat anything that ends in -ese. (Seriously, except cheese on pizza, no cheese anywhere else.)
2. Sing well.
3. Cook.
4. Stop smoking.
5. Quit while I'm ahead.
6. Deal with ignorant people.
Things that attract me to the opposite sex
1. An attractive single brother.
2. An attractive single male best friend.
3. Good shopping skills.
4. The desire to buy me things, without expecting anything in return.
5. Breasts. They're pretty and cushiony.
6. Pony tails. I love pony tails.
Things I say most
1. Howdy!
2. Just kidding, just playing, not really, etc.
3. Oy!
4. Can I bum a cigarette?
5. Drinks everyone?
6. I'm seeing someone, so.... no. And I wouldn't do that even if I was single.

My lawyer has advised me to not answer the celebrity crush question on the grounds it may further incriminate me....I was not stalking. Geez.

Bobby's World Highlights

1. Laughed at some new work related acronyms, like the "PIG team". (Seriously.)
2. A rumor got back to me (that I started), that a work acronym that ends in PS (and stands for Personal Success) actually stood for pissy salary.
3. Scrambled the results for the online conference room locator, so that the maps took people in opposite directions of where they needed to be. Changed it back after a while so I could blame it on a "system glitch".
4. Wondered briefly if I should buy a nurse's uniform to wear while taking care of Justin after his surgery.
5. Decided against nurse outfit after disturbing mental picture popped into my head.
6. Decided that Human Resources people should not have Dilbert paraphenelia in their offices. (Ha ha, I'm funny and can laugh at myself, and by the way, you're fired.)
7. Started a list of my character flaws, but stopped at number one, which is "Extreme dislike of acknowledging my own character flaws."
8. Decided to stop my highlights for today at #8 again, couldn't decide if it's because I really only have 8 highlights or that I am lazy and don't want to type ten. (Up yours, David Letterman.)

Drain Bamage or Just Monday?

Ok, so I am totally brain dead today, but I think I may get better once I escape the confines of work, let's hope so anyway. I did manage to respond to some comments, and this makes a wonderful time for me to read everyone else's posts, so I am going to sit back, read some of my favorite blogs, and oh, work a little if I can fit it in.

What the deuce? Puffy in action....

Our roomie wanted to watch the VMA's, so I thought I would post some comments. I can't promise I will stick with it, but if I don't, you will know why.

I'm pretty sure Billy from Green Day is dying his hair black. It's probably turning gray, how old is he now?

Big intro, but not all that interesting. They need to learn something from the movie awards, the movie spoofs are sometimes hilarious.

Puff, you can't say "They call me Diddy". You told people to call you Diddy. Big Difference.
Kelly C. wins Best Female. Yes, trite pop music, but killer dance mixes and I like her. And some rap guy I've never heard of until this week, when he said rap was too homophobic. Good for him.

Commercials. Including one about everything that you hear isn't true, like MTV doesn't play music. Maybe they count MTV2 as well.

Missy Elliot has dropped some more weight, co-introduces Ludacris and Bobby Valentino, one I have heard of.
Puffy finally does some hosting without rapping, but does mention he does everything with class. Since when? Oh wait, he's cussing up a storm to prove his point.
Introduces Kirsten Dunst and Orlando Bloom, flash of Paris Hilton looking bored in the audience. Me too, Paris. Me too. Best Rock Video goes to Green Day, who opened the show, big surprise.

Smoke Break

Secret performance, from MC Hammer?!? Give me a break, notice Puffy said Secret performance, not "Special."

I guess they kept it a secret so the ratings wouldn't plummet.
I think I am turning the television to Family Guy. Not before I see the Simpson sisters coming on stage, that cemented my decision...

Lazy Sunday Mini-Post

I added a few more blogs that I found I've become addicted to. If I added you, you better update, I grow co-dependant quite easily and quickly. The pic is for "Not yet a wino", I saw your pic and site and knew it was for you.

On a completely unrelated note, I just saw a commercial for 7th Heaven, which I honestly didn't know was on the air anymore. I think when they end that show, they should hire Quentin Tarantino to direct. It would be a good way to end.

Someone sent me the link to Trump's blog, which made me laugh. Not because he was funny or anything, because it was so lame. Carolyn would have a much more interesting blog, I'm positive. Does anyone know if she has one?

I then came to the realization that Carolyn is on my list of women I would have sex with. Not sure why, but she is. Then I got slightly depressed when I realized that Carolyn wouldn't be impressed she made my list, even though it's a short list. Life just goes around in depressing circles like that sometimes.

I would so rock her world, though.


I have to stop now, I just used the phrase "rock her world." I need rest.

The Color of Mermaid Crap.

So here is one for the books. What do you say when your roommate paints the great room a horrible shade of Underwater Adventure Teal? It looks like the little mermaid came in and shat all over my walls. When I walk into the room I start holding my breath, and I pick up the pace to cut through to the kitchen

I lack the part of my brain that screens out inappropriate words, so I know if I say something it will be rude. What's a nice way to tell the roommate that life is not better down where it's wetter? Take it from me...

Today in Bobby's Word

1. Decided to use the Bobby's world logo whenever I post highlights.
2. Wondered briefly if anyone cares anymore that I am using the Bobby's World logo without written express permission from it's owners. (I sometimes broadcast baseball games without permission as well, but don't tell.)
3. Explained to someone what the snorkels were and
why the snorkels weren't considered "nasty" when I was a kid.
4. Resented fact that that the only crazy thing Rugby Mike did after we moved in was to call himself Rugby Mike.
5. Wondered if the new person moving in will have their own nickname for themself. I am hoping for someone who puts "Fun" in front of their name, like "Fun Jack" or "Fun Lisa". But they better be fun.
6. Spent time for a few friends playing therapist, which has no where near the enjoyment factor as playing doctor.
7. Realized I couldn't be a therapist, apparently I was born with no empathy. I could be a pet psychiatrist though. I think I would be good at that.
8. Decided I couldn't live in an apartment building with a shared porch. I want the ability to tell people to get the hell off of my porch when I am done with them.

Would you like a snack with your constant erection?

First, I'll admit it took me a few minutes to think of the title of this post. I wanted to include a word that would definately pop up in the search engines without being too offensive, I settled for erection as it pertains to the post. Constant erection makes it sound even more intriguing. Anyway, on to the post.

I updated the side bar with a few more blogs I have grown to love or that make me actually laugh out loud. Most of you reading these days already are aware of them, but for new people, you really need to know about them.

I spent an hour reading MadMan's blog about the disgusting girl he works with, and it made me remember a repressed memory, thanks madman. Anyway, I used to work with a girl, Dawn, who is probably the most disgusting girl I have ever worked with. I want to give you only one example, as it's amusing while being slightly disturbing as well.

Dawn was in her late twenties or early thirties, it was hard to tell, and one of the only pieces of personal information she wouldn't share. She lived at home, as she didn't want to move out until she got married. (She was going to be at home for a long, long time.) Her father got a penile implant, that went wrong, and they couldn't afford to fix it. The problem caused the penile implant to stay fully erect all of the time, without causing any discomfort to her father. As Dawn explained this to me, (I made the early mistake of asking "How are you today?" which I promptly dropped after this story was told to me), she then included the fact that her father's misfunctioning penile implant really bothered her, because her father was very affectionate, and still liked Dawn to sit in his lap.

Somewhere in the middle of hearing how uncomfortable it was for Dawn to sit in his lap while her father was stuck "at attention", and how she couldn't stop because it would hurt his feelings, I kind of tuned out. I think it was a self defense mechanism that my brain had. The sentence that brought me back to her was "the sad thing is that my mom can't even enjoy my dad's condition, because she has a continuous yeast infection like I do."

I had to skip lunch that day.

It would be the first of many lunches I skipped while working with Dawn.

A non-disgusting thing, but funny, was that her parents stocked vending machines, and when the candy would expire and they had to remove it from the machines, her parents would offer the expired snacks to Dawn and her family for a discounted price. Not free, discounted. And Dawn was appreciative that they did this. If my parents ever offered my discounted and expired snacks that they would have to throw in the trash otherwise, I would have laughed or been offended, or both.

I moved jobs, but former co-workers would send email updates, which occasionally amused me, but most often disgusted me and made me feel sorry for them still having to listen to Dawn every day. I haven't run across someone that disgusting since, and hopefully never will. I will live vicariously through Madman's blog. Thanks Madman for bringing back these memories.

Random Rants

To the co-worker who said my "good morning" reply didn't sound enthusiastic: Where's the rule that says I have to be enthusiastic? Wasn't it enough that I said good morning to you at all? And maybe I wasn't enthused to see you, why do you think you are so special?
To the tree trimmers: You can't change the "No parking - Tree Trimming on Friday" signs to Thursday, on Thursday morning, and then have the police start towing cars. Well, okay you can, and did, but that's ridiculous, and Justin promptly got the police officer involved and explained that the signs were changed this morning. Are you that behind schedule, or are you just jerks who think we can all afford to pay the towing company $150 to have our car returned? If I ever see your car or your tree trimming vehicle illegally parked, you know I am will call to have it towed now.
To the Exact Change Cafeteria Woman who hates anything but exact change. You don't even have to figure out the change, the register tells you, and that is why you were hired. Don't be lazy. And yes, I gave you the hundred dollar
bill the other day on purpose, I was thinking of you when I asked for it at the bank. And I will take a penny from the "Take a penny, leave a penny" any time I freaking want to, that's what it is there for.
To the conventient store worker who applied to work at my place of employment, I was not personally responsible for you not being hired. Quit giving me nasty looks and crappy service, just because you didn't pass the interview. If I had known you would act this way, I would have said something to keep you from being hired, I can do that.

There, I feel a little better now. Thanks for listening/reading. The next post will be happier. (Or at least I intend for it to be, now. Things may change, check your local listings.)

Today in Bobby's World

1. Saw the blood mobile people, all five of them, take a smoke break. Wondered if their boss knows they smoke.
2. Realized that the barriers they put on public computers at my work, for people to view their online check information, made it real easy for them to play games and view porn instead.
3. Decided to play games and view porn at one of the public computers instead of my desk, where people can walk up and see what I am doing.
4. Asked Security if they could zoom in on my car with their cameras to see if I left my lighter inside.
5. Listened to someone complain that their friend wasn't hired because they got a bad reference, fought urge to tell them it was really because they failed the hiring test (based on 6th grade English and math skills).
6. Felt better after someone ticked me off by telling myself they would rue the day, because they would get blasted on my blog. (Yes, when I talk to myself, I often use words like "rue".)
7. Decided to use "they will rue the day" or similar variants at least 10 times today.
8. Got strange looks and reconsidered number 7, after explaining that the I.T. department would rue the day they changed one of my databases without asking. (They will rue the day they did that, just not sure how yet.)

Smurfing Good News!

I mentioned before how I always try to come up with new answers at work for "How are you today?" because I get tired of saying "Great, how are you?" all of the time. So amongst my plethora of answers I use, sometimes I say "I'm smurfy!" or "isn't today just a smurfing good day?" to people. It's amazing the reaction, I didn't realize how
many people don't know who the smurfs are.

All of that will change soon. I am not kidding here, but a trilogy of movies (yes, three of them, the first being in 3-D), about the Smurfs will be coming out. The first is planned for 2006 or 7.

Smurfin Cool Link
Make any page a Smurfy Page here
I tried it on my blog, it was smurfilicious and made me laugh my smurfin butt off.

My first spam comments.

Along with the good comments, have come, the spam comments. SO, sorry if it bugs you, but I added the "word verification" to the comments.

And the blog tracker at seo-blog.org crashed more than it was up in the first 24 hours, so I changed to site meter. If anyone knows a better one, let me know.

Big Bro is on tonight, they have gotten so b*tchy this season, it's like watching an episode of my friends sitting around talking about each other. On the nights I can't hang out with my friends, it makes me feel good.

Was it good for you?

As Anna so eloquently put in her comment, my comment cherry has been broken. Yes, comments are now rolling in, figuratively speaking.

Now the pressure is really on me, heh heh.

Here is another example of how strange Richmond & Virginia is....
Some bright person let an alligator loose in a local river, and after several attempts at catching it. the local authorities decided to "study" the situation, utilizing tax dollars to the fullest. Meanwhile, a local fisherman accidentally pulled the alligator into his boat while fishing. Startled, as I imagine most of us would be, he started hitting the alligator with his oar, eventually killing it.

After the suthorities sent the dead alligator away, they discovered it was an endangered species. So now, the Federal government and the local authorities are pursuing charges against the fisherman.

Yes, I typed it right. Hopefully they will realize how idiotic they are being, if not, I will be starting a fund for the fisherman to be able to hire a lawyer.

And finally, one last example for today....
This is an old, but still on the books, city law in Richmond: It is illegal to flip a coin in a restaurant to see who pays for a coffee.

My new picture

Ok, I know South Park is old news, but I needed a picture of myself for online stuff, so I created a South Park icon that closely resembles me. (I'm a bit taller)
I moved it to the profile section to the right.

Spiders

We have an infestation of spiders, and after I was bitten by a brown recluse spider (they're poisonous if you didn't know), I hate spiders. Justin hates them because of my spider bite, and for other obvious reasons. But they are all over our front porch, where we smoke, and they are aggressive. They drop on you when you walk beneath them. I know they are good for the envionment, but....

Not enough Bobby's

Had an email a few minutes ago, asking why I posted the picture from Bobby's World, the old Howie Mandell cartoon show. I am not a Howie fan, in fact, I didn't think this was possible, but I find him more annoying now than I used to. But after doing a Bobby search, if you remove the sports category, there's not a lot of famous Bobby's.

There's Bobby the talking Parrot, who has his own website.

And there's the most famous at the moment,
Bobby Hill from King of the Hill.

(Don't even ask me to include Bobby Brown on my list, I am ashamed he has my name.)

One of my first ideas for a website was going to be Bobby's World, but Howie went and stole it, which was bad karma and why he is less than a D-List actor now and has to act the way he does to get any publicity. But I guess if I had gone with Bobby's World, Verbal Vomit may never have been born. So I'll try to get over it.

Highlights from Bobby's World

Today's Highlights from Bobby's World.

1. Realized I've never seen any girlfriends for Snap, Crackle, or Pop. HHHmmm....
2. Decided my almost week long break from bourbon is officially over tonight.
3. Decided I may have a problem since #2 made me so excited.
4. Convinced myself that the week off proved I don't have a problem.
5. Created three new walking routes to the smoking area at work, so the same people wouldn't always seem me
going there.
6. Started carrying a red folder around work with me to look like I am doing something important, and to make
people nervous.
7. Remembered to water my cacti. (My co-worker used to remind me, for the past 5 or 6 years, but she moved offices
and doesn't remind me anymore. It's a lucky thing I decided on a cactus.)
8. Decided I spend too much time recording my highlights, so I am not posting a number 9 or 10 for time management purposes.

Back from my blog-free weekend

You won't be able to guess how many times I sat down to write something impressive, funny, interesting, etc. On my blog, and then canceled out before saving it. Occasionally I just have an un-inspirational weekend, creatively speaking.

But now, when I am back at work, the creativity will flow all day, distracting me from work, and keeping me coming back to the blog.

Got a comment on the last post, thanks Spinning Girl. While I have had some emails from the long time Verbal Vomit fans, not many people have posted. It really does give you a sense of satisfaction that others check your blog out occasionally, or find it slightly interesting or amusing. which I will promise to be someday, really!

I do have some stuff to post later, after I set up my desk to look like I am extremely busy for the day.

Gullibility

If you like random facts, like this one:

The U.S. population spends more than $10 billion on temporary tattoos.

And you don't need any proof it's correct, check the gullible info site out. It has some facts that made me chuckle, like 18 percent of licensed drivers say they don't know how to parallel park. (Which I think is a little low, now that I live in the city and watch people try to paralell park outside of my house.

Busy Rehearsing

I had heard about video tombstones before, but they apparently have regained popularity, it was on the radio this morning. You can record a video that would play on your tombstone for others to see and listen to.

I know it's a rainy Friday, because now all I can think about is what my video should be. I am working on the script now, and imagine that once someone creates awards for the best tombstone video (you know they will, and they will be available on the net somewhere), I will want to win one.

I don't know if I will post anything about my tombstone video, as I of course will want plenty of people at the premiere, I mean my funeral.

Life as a Box

I actually have a lot of stuff to talk about, but I wrote it in a file I left at work, so hold on til tomorrow.

Until then, check this site out. IT's bizarre, but funny.

More about Richmond....

Ok, not all of the people involved in this insanity were from Richmond, or even Virginia, but this is the kind of attitude that
is common around here.

Come on, I know a laptop for $50 is a great deal, but they were 5 years old, used to the limit, and even if they were brand new, can't people act a little more civilized? The high schoolers that had to use these for the past 4 years are probably laughing their butts off.

And no, the Watermelon festival was just like it was described in my previous post. I don't like Watermelon enough to walk around a street with 100,000 other people in the 100 degree heat. Does anyone really?

Richmond, argh.

Ok, so I spent a majority of my life in Austin, Texas. No, it's not like Texas you see on television, more like Austin Real World on MTV. There was always something fun to do, and interesting people, and a laid back atmosphere. (Don't get me wrong, if you stepped out of Austin, you were smack dab in the middle of Texas, but if you stayed in Austin, you were fine.)

Anyway, Austin always had cool stuff happening, Rattlesnake Roundup, Eeyore's Birthday Party (an excuse to party, but a creative one.) So today, in Richmond, we are having the "Watermelon Festival".

Yes, you read it correctly. An area of town with lots of shops, closes off the streets, and people walk around, shop, and eat watermelon. What else, you ask? Well, we went a few years ago, and that was it. Will I be going today? Probably, we live right by it and can walk to it. I will post more later if anything new was there, or to make fun of it more....

Today's Highlights

If you follow any of my links in the posts, you've seen another "highlights of my day", which I am going to shamelessly borrow....

1. Had hospital receptionist ask Justin if I was his dad. (Because of our insurance card, not because of how we looked.)
2. Watched Big Brother. (That's how bad today was, Big Brother was a highlight.)
3. Listened to former best friend lie again, even though he should know I know he was fibbing. (This is a highlight, seeing how stupid people can be.)
4. Added highlights to my blog, which hasn't worked out well so far...

Wow, not many highlights... SNL or Madtv better be freaking funny tonight, or I am going to be pissed.

I'm not apologizing

The airline got our other two bags to us, by way of a fourteen year old mute boy. Okay, he wasn't mute, he was just "socially challenged". The door knocked, I opened it, and this boy is just standing there.

I say "Yes?", and he says he couldn't park.

What? I asked what he meant, and he repeated that he couldn't park. I don't think he is even old enough to park, or drive. So I finally say, "who the hell are you?" and he says his name, which I have already forgotten.

So, I have to get more info, which I do by asking "What the hell do you want?" Remember, I was in a bit of a bad mood, see previous two posts.

He finally gets the fact out that he has our luggage. To which I replied that particular information would have been helpful about five minutes ago.

Anyway, his dad, who was driving, repeats that they couldn't park. I didn't care. So I signed for the bags in the middle of the road, which distresses the man and his boy greatly.

So, is everything okay with the airline? Hell no. But on the more positive things, like, oh, i don't know, another ER trip today, to the crappiest hospital in town, with a doctor who (when his head was pulled out of his ass) was a complete homophobe.

Anyway, things are a bit better now, we're at home resting, and hopefully Justin's shoulder will hold out until we can get him to a real doctor.

American Airlines STILL sucks

Ok, two of the four bags showed up. Where are the other two? Hell if we know, they may show up tonight. We went through 5 people before we even got an apology.

Argh.

But, to make it all better they offered a whopping $50 coupon. (There were three of us flying, so that's around fifteen bucks a piece, which doesn't even pay for the extra DAY of parking we paid for while trying to track down the bags.)

I always thought that rich people were being a bit excessive for buying their own jets and planes, but now I see their point.

American Airlines Sucks

Yes, I am using the real airline's name. They made us almost lose a flight, lost our luggage, and were really rude assholes. (Except for one Flight Attendant, who gave us extra chips, since we didn't have time to eat between flights.)

I am too mad to write anymore right now, but more later.....

in the money....

ok, so I was at at this poker site and went from 25 dollars to over 600 in an hour or so. ((No, I didn't have anything better to do, thank you for asking)). Anyway, before everyone freaks out, it was play money, that would never happen to me with real money. Trust me, I know. But it was fun, and slightly addictive.

I did learn that people can annoy me there, as much as in real life, or anywhere on the net, for that matter.

less than 48 hours til we will be in san francisco, yea!

wow, i really didn't have anything to say, but i am off to watch more stupid people. It's called Big Brother. heh. really, i can't help it.

The Casual Friday

The Casual Friday is new to me, but after a quick read through, I actually laughed out loud a few times. Check it out while you patiently wait for us to get back from the trip.

Don't it just figure?

Ok, so I got to the store this morning to fix my coffee, and get some smokes, and after getting to the counter, I didn't have my card to pay. It's not Monday again, is it? But, just one more day after today and we are on our way to San Francisco.

So that made me feel a little better. And don't worry, those of you who know me well, know that I am not a nice person without smokes and caffeine, I got both once I got to work, so no one was hurt. :)

IF I don't get to post again, see you all next week!

Impressing myself

I have impressed myself. Really. Some of you probably think that impressing myself is an easy task, I do think highly of myself, but it isn't easy for me, really.

However, I just noticed how many posts I have been doing lately, and on the topic of quantity (not quality) I have been doing well. I will work on quality later.

But don't get mad, this Thursday is when we are leaving for San Francisco, and I don't plan on taking the laptop, or finding places to blog from, it's a vacation people. So if you notice a week without me, standby, I will post about our trip here or on the other blog you can get to by clicking my profile button somewhere on this page.

And by the way, some people are upset when blogs don't link anywhere. People, sometimes they don't need to. If I talk
about something, that doesn't mean I need to link to a site about it, for the most part. When the time comes, I Will
link, I do know how, but until then, if I talk about something, and you need more information, try
using this or maybe this? Those should help.
And if I start ranting about something specific, I will try my best to link to the original source, although you
people should really just trust me. :)

Titles now, next, the world....

So, yeah, I noticed my entries didn't have titles. Now they do. Big whoop, but maybe it will help you decide which posts to read. Or maybe not.

Anyway, I noticed the titles when I accidentally surfed some blogs, and while I saw some really bad ones, (no link for that), I did notice this good one.

And, doesn't Utah have better things to worry about than this?

Tech Difficulties and Photos

I am experiencing technical difficulties. I saved a blog entry on a flash stick, while I was somewhere I couldn't post, and now the memory stick isn't working. Argh.

Anyway, check these pictures out when you have a minute.

That's all I have to hold you over until I get the memory stick working.

Serving Verbal Vomit Since '94

As some of you know, my "Verbal Vomit" website started on Tripod back in, oh, like, 1994. (Oops, am I showing my age? I was 3 at the time people, heh heh.) Anyway, over the years, I have started to move to my own domain, even owning verbal vomit dot com at one point, and then losing it.

Anyway, I was posting some pics, (Yes, I was, don't call me a liar!) on the Tripod site, to share with all of you, and after loading only 6 pictures, my account there is almost full. So, without paying money for another site, anyone have some good suggestions on free photo hosting? I know almost every site has them, but I need a good one.

First 10 people to suggest get first peek at the photo album. :)

Dentist Recovery Time

Only 8 days left before we are on a plane to San Francisco!!! (Vacation, not the actual move yet.) We are getting excited!

Only 6 days of work left before vacation, yea!

Only 7 hours left before I can leave for today and head home and get drunk. Wow, there is a lot to be excited about, heh heh.

We are still pursuing that really cool digital camera I mentioned earlier, to make sure we have it for the trip. The pics we took last time were okay, some turned out really well, but we want some awesome pics this time. And our new friend Chad sent us some pics from us going out the other night that were really good. My next step is to set up my Frontpage stuff at home so I can update my website with the pics.

Oh, and I have to figure out how to restrict our wireless network at home, some people have been using it, and it is bugging the heck out of me.

And I did my 2nd dentist trip yesterday, without crying too much. I hate dentists, not personally, just in general, but I have found a great one, so that makes it better.

City Living

Welcome me, officially, to the 21st century. I am now blogging from my front patio, on a wireless connection. (Yes, my own, although I wasted money, because three other people in our building have networks I could have used.)

Anyway, this is awesome. It is a beautiful day for a change, not too hot yet. And we aren't smoking in the house, which I habitually do while on the pc, so now I can smoke and play.

And living in the city is so cool, I didn't think I would like it. We walked to Carytown, a shopping area in town from our house, and walked to the ice cream place last night with the dog, which was cool. everyone loves our dog, as soon as we get the new awesome digital camera, I will post some pics of him.

Upcoming Trip

I forgot to mention, Justin, me, and our best friend are going to San Francisco in early August, yea, and we will have a new kick butt new camera to post pictures with. (And this time I really will, I just never have the energy to scan a picture, and then put it online, but if I can download them instantly, there's a much better chance.)

More on the trip later. really.

Xenaland Visitor: Read me!

Things are starting to look up. The psycho roommate is out of the picture, Justin and I are living in a great location, we have the cable modem hooked up, etc.

So, does this mean I will be posting more? Probably not. Heh. The new house is party central, with people stopping by, or us running over to have a drink somewhere, etc. But I will try.

Please please please, whoever commented on the blog, my old friend from Xenaland, give me a shout and let me know who you are. My memory isn't what it used to be, or ever was for that matter.