hold on, for one more day....

and things will go your way.

the first half of what needed to happen to provide me good work news happened today, just later than expected. now, for part 2, the important part, we all have to wait for tomorrow. it's killing me too.....

just hold on, for one more day.

Eskimos rock.

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Bobby!

1. It is bad luck to light three cigarettes with the same bobby.
2. Bobby can sleep for three and a half years.
3. The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armour raised their visors to reveal bobby.
4. Bobby has enough fat to produce 32 bars of soap.
5. The Eskimos have over fifty words for bobby.
6. Bobby is actually a vegetable, not a fruit.
7. Bobby cannot be detected by infrared cameras!
8. The queen of diamonds in a playing card deck symbolizes bobby!
9. In 1982 Time Magazine named bobby its 'Man of the Year'!
10. Bobby procrastinates worse than anything!

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

I don't think I could produce 32 bars of soap from my fat, maybe 20. I am happy I am a vegetable, not a fruit. The year I was named man of the year was the year Justin was born, coincidence? Yes, there's an age difference people, but he was completely legal when we met. Well, not when we met, but when we, uh, started dating. Whose idea was this anyway? Oh yeah, thanks to Spinning Girl for this one. (All hail SG! When you have blogger's block, nothing works better than reading some Spin!) And yes, I owe everyone a winner for the dog picture contest, and I have loved the Mariah ones.
There's some possible big news coming on the work front tomorrow, I will be back here (really) tomorrow to let you know.

Add the Caption Time! Vol. 2

I want to be semi-original with "add the caption" time, with either my own photos, or in this case, since this is not my picture, with adding some small variation. So, instead of just adding a caption to this picture, let's all pretend for a moment that Mariah Carey can read. If she could read, what would the book title be?
Come on, I know we can get some good ones with this.... for a sample of one of mine, hit the comments.

Saved by the... 'What The Hell'?

Don't forget, it's sentence Saturday over at Duff's. click here and scroll down to the sentence saturday entry.

I am starting to have my doubts about online quizzes. they used to be so accurate, but this one? I just don't know....


Which "Saved By The Bell" Character Are You?

I always felt a little more Zack-ish, with maybe a minor Kelly mixed in....

Sorry for the lack of posting lately, work and fighting a cold and sinus infection hasn't left me a lot of time. I am starting to get better though. And another picture for everyone to add captions to is coming soon, I enjoyed that a lot.

Has it been a week almost?

Wow, has it been almost a week since my last post? It's not my fault, but for some reason, I received lots of bourbon for my birthday. Somehow, people have the notion I like the stuff, I have no clue why they think that, but het, I am easy going, I go with the flow, and I wouldn't want to be rude, so I am drinking the hell out of it. Anyhow, I can barely remember this far back, but if you happen to be sober right now, you may remember me saying how we got a digital camera for Christmas. Well, below, you will see a picture of Keepher, our dog (the black one, for those of you who don't remember) checking out our neighbor's dog, also a min pin. I was racking my brain for a funny caption for the picture, but then I told myself, "Self, you're lazy" and thought it would be a good idea for you to come up with funny caption. Most of you are way funnier than me anyway. So here it is, the first "Make up a caption" contest on my blog. The winner will receive something, not sure what yet, self satisfaction maybe, who knows? Check out the picture below and submit a caption in the comments.

The Seventh of January

I got tagged.

In your Ipod: Happy Birthday Darling, by Conway Twitty.
In your Cd Player: 50 Cents, In da Club (It's your birthday.)
In your DVD Player: Mary Kate and Ashley's Birthday PartyHey, Justin's niece came over, and we watched it for her, really.
Last Snack you ate: Cake of some sort.
In your VCR: Capricorn One
Reading right now: It's my F---ing Birthday by Merrill Markoe.
That's it, a short tag without much of interest. Weird, but it got me thinking.
Thinking about people who were born on today's date, like Nicolas Cage. I once got free candy at the mall once because the guy asked me if I was related to Nicolas, I said yea, i'm his brother, and got free candy. Other people like Screech, from Saved by the Bell, Katie Couric, Keny Loggins, and almost as impressive as getting free candy, Erin Gray, from Buck Rogers!! She was born today, as well.

So, with lots of famous and interesting people, people who we love, born today, I thought that some pretty interesting things must have happened on today's date throughout history. And I made none of these up.

Bill Clinton's impeachment trial started on today's date in 1999.
Truman announces the US has developed a hydrogen bomb.
The Harlem Globetrotters played their first game in 1927, on today's date.
Motion Picture film was patended.
Pius V becomes Pope in 1566, and looks amazingly like the current Pope.
A cute little baby boy was born, who numerous years later would have a blog called Verbal Vomit.

So that's January 7. Let the bourbon drinking commence..... (who am I kidding? Let the bourbon drinking continue....)

Forgot something.....

This is the look I get when the whiskey is gone, too. Poor dog. I forgot to mention, Justin and I got a pretty decent digital camera for Christmas, so now, many more ORIGINAL pics. Not just ones I borrow. The dog isn't mine, it's one of our good friends. And yes, she was upset the whiskey was gone.

For one of our dog looking like Sherlock Holmes, or just totally gay, look below. He loves his jacket/cape, and gets an attitude when it is on. Anyway, Happy New Year all.

"Ending the Pressure" Post

So, um, yeah, I haven't posted in a week, and yes, I usually feel guilty, but it feels as though all of blogger land has been a little slow, with people being busy and such. Also, I haven't wanted to post, as I was trying to come up with something insanely profound to end the year with. So the past week I have pressured myself, jotted down notes, researched, all for you lovely people, to provide you with such a witty, wonderful post, that you would leave my blog crying, laughing, and calling/emailing all of your family and friends the link to my blog.

That brings us to today. Less than 6 hours, and I have nothing. BUt I did realize something. Blogger lets you edit stuff. So if I come up with something profound later, I could always post it like it was here on New Year's Eve. Some of you would know, others wouldn't. Also, maybe I should keep posting little bits and pieces of good posts, so that you keep coming back, right?

In any case, nothing horribly funny today, nothing profound, other than have a safe night, and make the next year better than the last. Even if it's just by a little bit.

Merry Christmas

I hope everyone has a great holiday. We will be going here and there, so I don't think I will be posting much until Monday. And this week has been crazy, so I have been bad at posting, but there will be a lot to catch up on next week. Take care everyone.

Merry Christmas!

MisInformation

Okay, I don't believe this, and I will be trying to confirm tomorrow, but apparently I was asked to leave a bar tonight. Yes, me. Some ass, in the middle of a conversation, asked if I was poor. He got distracted, and I left to get another drink, and the waiter and two other people told me this ass was apparently serious, and thought he was better than everyone else. So, I eventually ended up back with this ass, and when Justin walked off, he turned to me, and said, "he's not cute enough to put up with if he is poor."

I had it at this point, thanks to his attitude, and numerous bourbon shots, so I asked him if he was poor, and he acted all offended. I acted apologetic, and said, "I'm sorry, the wealthy people I socialize with have more class than that, to ask if someone is poor. I didn't realize you were one of those type of rich people."

Apparently, this wasn't this right thing to say, which was my point. He said some crappy stuff about me, and Justin, and when I was talking to some friends, I saw him putting his ashes on the floor, instead of one of the many ashtrays around. As I walked back to get Justin to leave, I picked up an extra ashtray and set it in front of him, and politely (heh heh) said, "here you go, now you can put your ashes in an ashtray, instead of the floor, like a poor person would."

I thought it was pretty funny, and witty, but my attitude caused some people to ask Justin to have me leave. I am asking you, dear, dear, readers, would you ever think I would be intentionally rude? No, I didn't think so, and shame on you, the two people who said yes. I know who you are. I am a nice person, dammit.

Anyway, I willl try to get back to regularly scheduled nice blogging tomorrow, but after a 14 hour catering job helping Justin yesterday, I am too tired to type anything nice. Maybe I need a wealthier computer.....

Poohback Mountain

In an astonishing move, the Winnie the Pooh franchise sold the rights to Pixar Studios to produce an animated version of Brokeback Mountain, the gay cowboy movie. Winnie and Christopher Robin will be playing the cowboys (or cowbear?) who fall in love. Rumor has it the nudity will be kept to a minimum, to attract a PG13 rating, but will have Winnie and Christopher french kiss and be shown waking up together covered in honey. (And Pooh doesn't wear pants anyway.)

Seriously though, did you hear about them remaking Winnie the Pooh, but replacing Christopher Robin with a girl? I guess that's nice for all the little girls out there who felt Winnie wasn't female friendly, but geez, they are basically just replacing Christopher with the girl, but keeping the same plots. Lame.

Poohback Mountain would be way more interesting.

Don't you want me, baby?

Wow. If you haven't seen this picture yet, try to guess who this is. No clue? Me either at first. It's Jody Watley. The one from the 80's? The singer? The one who used to look nice, and apparently gave herself an early Christmas present and got some cosmetic surgery, just in time for her new CD titled "The Makeover."

Seriously. The Makeover. What a great Christmas message. I hope I get a stocking full of botox and a gift certificate for my own makeover. Please Santa?

Politically Correct Holiday Greeting

You have heard previously how overboard the last company I worked for was with being politically correct, not offending anyone, etc. The past four years I sent out the email below as my "Holiday Greeting." It was meant as a parody of all of the different complaints about the "Holiday Season", but it was amazing how many people would write me back and ask if they could use the email. This is not mine, I don't know where I found it, so feel free to use it.... (And I am so glad the new place I am working is not this politically correct.)

A totally PC holiday greeting.

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally-conscious, socially-responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all . .
AND a fiscally-successful, personally-fulfilling, and medically-uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "America" in the western hemisphere),and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee.
DISCLAIMER:By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of
this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

--------
Yes, I really sent this out. Sad. Merry Christmas everyone. I said it. If you don't celebrate it, fine, I'm not forcing you. If you celebrate something else, cool, go for it, but it doesn't mean I have to wish a happy "whatever the hell you are doing."

Okay, maybe sometimes there are....

One of the plethora of functions I will be performing in my new job is to answer questions from the website. First, let me explain, I am in HR, as you all know, and this time I am specializing in Staffing and Recruitment. So on this website, which most of you probably have seen, is to answer "job related" questions, from the "job related" section of the website, which isn't easy to find, unless you happen to be looking for a job.

However, some people skip the main web, the main contact emails, and ask a question in the job related section. I thought I would share some from this week. Remember, this email is to answer "job related" questions, and is clearly marked..... My answers I wish I could have shared are in italics.

"I have an interview on Thursday, what should I wear?"
If you have to ask, wear some daisy suke cut offs and a tube top. It will impress/distract the interviewer.

"My daughter worked for two days and hasn't gotten paid. Where is her check?"
Your daughter's check is located with her work ethic. They both seem to be lost currently, but may turn up when she matures.

"My universal remote is NOT universal. Please reply or I will contact a lawyer."
Or, you could return it to the store. The gas will cost you less than a lawyer. And the lawyer will want a large portion of your replacement remote, so....

"How do I fill out an application?"
If you missed the links on "how to fill out an application, or have never done so, please don't bother.

"I saw your online application, and the statement you only take online applications. I don't have internet access, please email me a paper application."
Please let me know how you email without internet acesss, and I will teleport an application right over.

"I am curently a stor worcker, and want to worck on your websit, pleese send me informacion on this job."
Yes, we are currently working on a website for ignorant people who can't spell. Please send your resume asap.

"Please forward this to your president. I am very mad."
Thank you, the president responded and said to walk it off.

Ok, so they wouldn't let me respond like this, but these are actual questions, and these aren't even good ones, according to my new co-workers, so more to come.

Hopping mad.

Sunday night, as I am mentally preparing myself for the new job, a winter weather warning came on tv. Depending on the station you watched, we were going to get anywhere from 1 inch to 12 inches, all by Monday morning. I had no number to call to see if I was going to be rescheduled, so I just went in, hoping for the best and that the snow wasn't some kind of an omen.

The place was open, all went well, and today, even though it was icey, I got to go in late (due to the boss' schedule, not the snow and ice), and all went well today.

So, sometimes snow isn't all that bad.

Thanks to all who voted for me, as you may remember, I often go overboard (my obsession with my blogshare owner, Gary for example) and sometimes people can't tell when I am being sincere or just satirical. Whether I "win" or not, the real award is that I enjoy blogging, and I enjoy the fact I have met all of you. So I won either way.

A brief note about the picture, how do sick kangaroos get better? They have a hoperation! Now, let's see that crap get nominated next month. heh heh.....

I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay!

Before reading further, take a look at the picture. Seriously. This is one of the oldest pictures my family owns, and has been incredibly preserved and restored throughout two or three generations. The (short) story behind it was just revealed to me this week. You see, the woman having her hand read was my great great grandmother Petunia. The fortune teller told her many things that evening. This was before radio and television, and apparently Great great Grandpa Larry (pictured left) had lost the family's set of cards. One of the things the fortune teller told Petunia was her great great grandson would be a successful lumberjack.

Yes, me. Heh, a lumberjack. I get a blister from vacuuming. Okay, so that's what everyone thought she had said. And she had been right about numerous things, she predicted family events months and years in advance, and she told of world events that have become reality. She was wrong about Miss Cleo becoming a modern day prophet and bringing the world peace, but hey, Cleo's not dead yet, so the fortune teller had a pretty good record going. Until me. I never became a lumberjack. I never even had a great treehouse. This does explain why my parents bought me so much flannel, and why I was the only kid I knew who owned his own axe when he was seven.

Like I said before, everyone assumed she meant a lumberjack, or logger, because the fortune teller said something else. Something that sounded like logger. This week I found out she said I was going to be a successful blogger. Yes, blogger. Back then, the only thing close to blogger, was logger, as they were called in that area of the country. She may not have even known what it was, but she knew.

So, I am going to become a successful blogger. And Petunia was so happy when the fortune teller told her this. I have to live up to great great grandma Petunia's expectations. Voting for me (as I think I forgot to mention earlier) for an award would help me do this.

Help a guy live up to his deceased ancestor's memory, and gain some self esteem, and fulfill the family legacy. A vote for me is a vote for Petunia.

After 2 weeks in the hospital.....

Did I catch you off guard? Or did I ever even mention I had been working in a hospital? Probably not, but I was. I was recruiting in a hospital, I really liked it, but this coming up Monday, I am moving on. To a big corporation, still Human Resources and mainly recruiting, and more money. Money wasn't the only reason (really), it is a better opportunity, where the hospital may or may not be a good opportunity down the road a little bit.

So, now that I am out of the hospital, voting has officially begun today. (Read the previous post for the whole voting and awards thing, please, I really need this people!)

Today through December 5, the polls are open. Click here to visit The Order of Brilliant Bloggers and vote.

The vote is for my Let it snow, let it snow, let it... oh screw it. post.

If you want to know why you should vote for me, once again please read the previous post, but remember,

If I win.... I will not post scary mannequin pictures anymore and I will remove the N'Sync picture below. That should be enough for anyone, but just in case, remember, all the cooool kids are voting for me.

And for those of you who have been reading a while now, the picture is not of me while I was playing nurse a while back. Come on, you know I look sexier than that in a nurse uniform. I thought I would post a sexy pic for my male readers. It should get Jam's cowbell ringing.

Give me awards and validate me!

In my off-line life, I often act as if I don't need any special attention. Online, I am totally different in this regard. I love comments, positive or negative, or just people saying hello. And now I find out we have blogging awards? I would have been working so much harder at the whole blogging thing if I had known this earlier. I would have spell checked, grammar checked, had neighbors proof read my posts prior to posting, color coordinated, and posted on a regular schedule on exact time of every day.

However, no one told me this. So I posted.... well, you've seen it. There's a reason I call it verbal vomit. It spews out, whenever it wants, sometimes not at all, and it is rarely pretty. Funny at times, insightful a few times maybe, but it all boils down to being the vomit in my head.

So, back to me and the awards thing.

I present you with the list of reasons you should vote for me:
1. No one has ever voted for me for anything. (Except for being "least likely to be voted for anything" in my high school yearbook, kids can be so cruel.)
2. Justin (and a few others) feel I spend too much time blogging. But if I was an Award Winning Blogger they would have to shut the hell up, right? Darn right they would. Imagine the following:
Justin: Bobby, you need to get off the computer and take the trash out.
Me: Can't right now, I'm blogging.
Justin: The trash needs to go out, and you've been sitting there for hours.
Me: Hey! You can't just sit down and blog for ten minutes once you've become an award winning blogger. I've got responsibilities, I can't just type out crap now that I'm an award winning blogger. I mean, come on, do award winning bloggers even have to take out the trash?
Justin: This is getting ridiculous, I.....
Me: Once you've become an award winning blogger, you'll understand, and maybe then we'll split the trash responsibilities.
Doesn't that sound great? I think so.
3. Most of you probably have no idea what to get me for Christmas, despite my hints of bourbon and cigarettes. For those that haven't emailed me for my snail mail address to send the bourbon to, a vote for me would be a nice gift, thoughtful and cheap, but oh so meaningful to me. I will print all my nominations, and sleep with them in a small scrapbook next to my bed.
4. I never win anything. Not even a coin toss, so help break my bad luck chain.
5. You don't want that N'Sync picture/fake award on my blog forever. I will remove it when I win a real award, or I will place the scary mannequins back on every post if I don't win. Heh.
Enough groveling for now, I will post details on how to vote for me soon. And news from the off-line world, work is going very well, details coming soon....

Manic Musings

*Overheard, parent on the phone with their child: "If you don't behave, I won't be paying you when I get home!" Times have certainly changed a lot from "If you don't behave, you're going to get a whuppin when I get home." Sad.

*There are some jobs you just shouldn't complain about while doing it. For example, a nurse called for help in front of the patient, and when the second nurse came in, she actually said, "you need help with that? I have more important things to do." Wow, that is some compassion there. And the patient was awake, not in a coma or anything. And the patient had family right there to overhear as well. Family that may have slit the stupid nurse's tires on their way out that evening. I didn't say they did, just that they may have, or could have.

*I wrote my birth father a really long email, detailing recent events in my life, (most of which you know about already, being faithful readers here), and really put some time into the email. Almost a week later, I got the following heartfelt response, "Sorry to hear about all of that. We're all okay here." That was meaningful, I printed a copy of the email, framed it, and hung it proudly in the trophy room. (And there's a future post about why I used the term "birth father", but I don't feel like going into it right now. I am still too excited about his wonderful email reply.)

*Why can I pour the water into the coffee maker without spilling a drop, but I can't pour the coffee into a cup without spilling it?

*Some friends of ours paid someone to carve out gourds, to serve soup in. Nice, huh? Very Martha-ish. They paid sixty bucks a gourd for eight people. We offered to do it for 50 next time they want to have that done. Those same friends had us make some "candy trees" to take home with us, similar to the ones in the picture. Due to a large amount of bourbon, I had fun. I don't think I would ever go to a party and make a candy tree without liquor though. In addition, the push pins used to attach the candy got more fun the drunker everyone got. My fingers hurt a little today.

And finally, *Some posts in a blog are just lamer than others.

Time for Thanks and Stuff(ing)

Warning: While this post may contain some amusing moments, it also contains some sappy moments. Read on at your own risk. First off, Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. Justin and I are off to his sister's house to fix a turkey to take to his parent's house. His mom was only going to have ham and turkey breasts, which offended Justin to no end, since he is a dark meat fan. To rectify this, and help his mom out, we are now fixing a turkey to take. All so he can have dark meat. So anyway, busy day. Time for my first annual "Things I am thankful for...." list.

Things I am thankful for 2005
*Justin and his family.
*My fellow blogging friends, who have provided a lot of support this fall, and will probably never know how much you all have helped me.
*My new job. (I found out my former company is "spinning off" the sector I worked for. Usually spinning is a good thing, but in this case, a lot of my former friends and co-workers are worried about their jobs now, and it usually means they are selling off, or going under. So I am thankful I have moved on, you can choose the saying you like best, either "blessing in disguise" or "everything happens for a reason", but either way, I am thankful.)
*My brother, and my family, at least the ones I talk to, and talk to me.
*Numerous other serious things, like my good friends, my dog, and more.
*The humorous people in my building and neighborhood, who keep me cheaply entertained. (Like Big Gay Mike, who is actually a little straight guy, who misplaced his wallet for half a day, searched multiple buildings for it, and then found it in his spaghetti strainer in his kitchen cabinet.)
*Coffee, cigarettes, and bourbon. Oh, and pepsi, can't forget that.
*Stupid celebrities, who show us that just because they are famous and wealthy, they are still stupid. Like a lot of other people. I am also thankful for stupid people, but just the amusing ones.
*80's music. (Yes, I said it.)

There's more, but you get the idea, and you have other things to do today. Have a great one!